Amelia
by Alice R. Llewelyn
Summary: I am ready to move on. I am ready to forget the pain. I've been in therapy for one year thanks to him. All because I met him. And I am ready to get out. I am Amelia Schaller, and this is my story. One Direction (Harry Styles fic) WARNING: Suicide attempts and obviously sex.
1. Preface

_Author's Note: _I usually write dramione, but I came up with this plot and it didn't quite suit dramione as well as I wanted. So I made it One Direction.

I use real places in this story, but I just use the name and relative location on the map but the descriptions aren't accurate.

Also anything in italics are flashbacks and memories.

**DISCLAIMER:**

The characters Amelia Schaller and Rory are mine.

Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne and Niall Horan are members of One Direction and are not my property, or anything of that nature. I just use their names and appearances for story purposes, the characters in this story have nothing to do with the real life people.

I am not profiting what so ever from this so don't sue me. This applies to any and all chapters of _Amelia_

Now on with the story! Thanks for reading!

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_Amelia-_ Preface

It's been one whole year. One year of being in this place. This sick, mental place. I'm here every day, every night, under constant surveillance. They say they want to make me feel better. And I believe them, I really do. I want to get better. Today is the day that I do.

I never talk about why I am here. I never tell anyone who put me here. No one knows, except for four boys. Niall, Liam, Louis, Zayn. Those are their names, and they are practically my brothers. Only they know. There used to be a fifth boy, but we never talk about him. We never talk about him because he is the reason.

Niall comes to visit me the most. He's here practically every day, cheering me on with his charm, greeting me every day with his usual, "Amy my love, you better yet?!" Liam and Zayn come about twice a week, and Louis barely comes at all. It's not anything personal, I know. Louis is dealing with things on his own, like I was. The only reason why Louis isn't in this place with me is because Louis didn't attempt suicide, and self harm. A lot of people try to cut and end their lives, but mine was so bad Niall suggested for me to be put under constant surveillance. If it wasn't for him I'd be dead.

"Well there she is! Hello Miss Schaller, how are you today?" The therapist greets me as she enters the room. I had the same therapist for a whole year, and yet I never bothered to learn her name. Nothing is important to me anymore.

"Empty." I reply earnestly.

She smiles, having been expecting that answer. I say the same thing every day.

"I can help you be happy again, Amelia. But you have to tell me what it is that made you this way. It's the only way you can smile that beautiful smile Mr. Horan says you used to have." The therapist says, sitting on the couch next to the windowsill where I sat.

If I were in a better condition I would have smiled, but I didn't have anything left in me. I took a deep breath. When I woke up this morning I told myself today was the day. I told myself I would open up.

"Okay." I said simply, taking the therapist by complete surprise. She gaped at me for what I counted to be ten seconds. I grabbed hold of my heart shaped necklace, the only thing I was allowed to keep here, for support.

"Well then, please, uh…" The therapist made a hand motion signaling me to go on, still trying to recover from her shock. She obviously hadn't anticipated my reply.

"Where do I begin?" I asked honestly. I didn't know how these therapeutic things worked. What had happened to me was a whole scrambled mess in my head and I didn't know if I should say things in order, or as they came to mind.

"From the beginning." The therapist replied, regaining her composure.

"Okay."

And so I took a big breath, and began my story.


	2. Chapter 1

_Amelia _Chapter One

**Day: 01 Week: 00**

The first rays of sunlight hit my golden brown eyes, causing me to squint and finally open them. I didn't want to wake up; I was still very much tired from the night before. I turned my face into my pillow, not wanting to wake up, and was surprised to find my pillow wet. From what, I didn't know. Had I been crying? I definitely felt drained of energy, and I felt this unexplainable feeling that one is always left with when they had had a nightmare during the night. I figured that was it. I probably had a terrible dream, and cried it out. I lifted my head and sniffed, and dragged my tired hand to ruffle my brown curls. With the other hand, I felt for my phone, which was somewhere in its usual position next to my pillow. I saw Harry hadn't texted my back, by the lack of messaging notifications. I sighed. Harry must be out, working in his music store, too busy with his custumers to text back. I placed my phone on my night stand, sitting up in bed. My fingers automatically reached up to my chest, landing on a silver heart-shaped necklace that Harry had given me during the early days of our relationship. We had been dating for almost two years now, and I kept that necklace as a sign that his heart will always belong to me. So much had changed then. Two years ago, I was nineteen, living with my mom in a small apartment in New York City. I remembered I attended the Manhattan School of Music, because I wanted to major in Music Education. I also remembered the beautiful boy from England who went there that year, as part of the study abroad program. Who knew, two years from then, I'd be dating him and living with him in London? Life has a way of surprising all of us, I guess.

With a sigh, I got up and out of bed, heading over to my closet to choose something to wear. My fingers grazed a black tee shirt. Forgetting what shirt it was, I pulled it out and found it was one of Harry's Ramones tee shirts that he had worn many times, most notably the first time we met. I still remembered it clearly, because that was the day when my life changed completely.

_I walked down Fifth Avenue, having just left my New York City apartment in order to get some inspiration for a poem I had the inkling to write. Those were my two loves: Writing and music. I continued walking down Fifth Avenue until I hit Central Park, finally glad to be surrounded by trees. Notebook and pen in hand, I walked about five blocks until I reached my favorite spot—a bench right in front of the lake. I sat down, surveying the environment around me at first. It was a wonderful autumn day. A bit chilly for my tastes, but my beige scarf did the job. I watched as people talking on their cell phones passed me without so much as a second look, dogs ran around being called by their owners, and ducks quacked happily looking at the murky water for fish to feed on. That's what I loved about New York City. No one ever cared, or paid attention to what you were doing. You were left alone, to your own business. Being quite solitary and different from most people my age, I appreciated that. _

_I sighed and looked to my right, and that's when I spotted him: Harry Styles. He was quite the popular kid back on campus, a bit of a frat boy as well. I had English Composition class with him three times a week. He was always surrounded by swooning girls, and I knew for a fact every weekend he partied like no other. Every girl wanted him. Secretly, I did too, but I knew better. I wasn't his type. I wasn't extremely pretty, and the party scene wasn't my scene. I preferred the library, or a practice room. But as I looked at him I couldn't help thinking what it would be like to date him. He was quite a ways away from me, almost on the other side of the lake, but he captured my gaze and held it there with such intensity it almost made me blush. I looked down immediately, fearing that he caught me looking at him. I looked down at the blank notebook paper, the sight of him still burning into the back of my mind. From a distance, his hair looked quite messy, but then again it was slightly windy today. I still felt his eyes on me and so I kept my head down, pretending to be absorbed in my blank notebook when inspiration hit me, and I occupied myself by writing a poem about love at first sight. _

"_It's a lovely day out today." _

_The voice was deep, and measured, sounding as if they had rolled off the tongue of the speaker. I noticed my heart pounding wildly and I didn't understand why until I registered the English accent. But it couldn't be. Sure enough, I looked up, and there was Harry Styles, standing beside me with both hands inside the pocket of his trench coat, casually looking up at the birds flying from out of the trees across the lake. _

"_Um, yes. Yes it is." I replied as nonchalantly as possible, after swallowing my nervousness. I immediately decided to play it cool, and attempt to show him I wasn't shy or weird, as he probably already thought._

"_You're Amelia Schaller, right? You're in my English Comp class?" Harry asked, looking at me this time, and taking his place beside me on the bench. I tried to keep my heart rate down for my own sake, and prayed I wasn't blushing. _

"_Yes, and you're Harry Styles." It wasn't a question. It probably should have been a question. My heart began to thunder once more and I suddenly remembered my notebook and the poem I had been writing, and quickly closed the notebook so he couldn't read. I was also flattered and impressed he knew my full name. Or that I was in his English class. I didn't expect him to even pay me any mind. But then again, the Harry in my mind could be quite different from the real one. _

"_I'm sorry if I took you by surprise or anything," Harry began, probably picking up on my frantic notebook closing. "But I just recognized you from my class and just figured I'd talk to you, because I don't really know you." _

"_Do you like meeting new people or something?" I said sarcastically, looking at the way the sun reflected off his curls. His hair was just a shade darker than mine. _

"_Well, I'm only here for a year, might as well meet anyone I can and get a feel for good old America." Harry replied after a while, biting his lip. I found his lip biting very cute to say the least, and it took all my self-control not to melt on the spot. _

"_Seems like you already know a good deal of people already Mr. Twenty shots." I replied, alluding to a rumor which had circulated around campus a couple months ago, involving Harry, a party, and twenty tequila shots. Apparently he held some record for the most shots taken in five minutes. I suppose it was impressive. _

_Harry however, didn't seem to think so. He turned his head to the side in an embarrassed manner, effectively hiding his face from me. I quickly wanted to take back what I said, and I became extremely guilty. "Sorry." I added after a while, to which he turned to me and smirked, shaking his head. _

"_Well I don't know you." Was his reply and attempt to getting back on track with the conversation. I cursed internally because I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks, and so it was my turn to turn away, failing to hide the smile on my face. _

"_You want to get to know me?" I asked, a bit embarrassed. This was ridiculous. This wasn't happening this was a dream. _

"_Yes. I'd like to. You're um. I don't see girls like you often." _

"_What's that supposed to mean?" _

"_It means let's walk around, see the town." And then Harry was up. He cocked his head to the right, indicating that we walk in that direction, and I eagerly stood as well, placing my notebook in my purse and taking my place by his side. _

_I immediately found myself feeling a bit cooler, being out in public with the popular frat boy, and I almost wished for the snooty popular girls to catch a glimpse of me now. _

"_What's in the notebook?" Harry asked, after a few steps. I found his stride easy to keep up with._

"_Oh, uh… I like to write. So. Yeah." I replied awkwardly. I didn't like to mention to others that I liked writing. Then they would ask what I wrote, and after I explained they would want to read my stuff and that was a huge no for me. No one ever read my private work. _

"_Like what?" He asked, and I internally groaned. Here we go. _

"_Poetry." I replied simply, already formulating my response for when he asked to read it. _

"_Nice, I like to compose music." His reply took me by surprise. I had expected him to ask if he could have a read but instead, Harry shared what he did. I pictured him in a desk in the middle of the night, crumpled papers all over his desk, writing lines under a small desk lamp. I had no idea Harry had any inclination toward music, and it was nice that he had something private too. _

"_Instrumental or vocal?" I inquired as we crossed the street. We were headed out of the park. _

"_Mostly vocal, I'm not great at playing instruments, though I'm learning guitar." _

_Having left the park, we turned down 5__th__ avenue and then Harry asked if I wanted to stop by the Starbucks at the corner and get a cup of coffee. I agreed. I absolutely loved coffee. The smell, the taste… We ordered our coffee and he offered to pay. I politely refused him, to which he insisted even more. I think we annoyed the cashier, because we stood there for about three long minutes fighting over who was going to give up five dollars to pay for a cup of coffee. In the end, I won, and got to witness Harry Styles pout, which secretly made my day. We sat down by the window, watching New Yorkers walk by with their shopping bags, dogs, or children. We talked for about hours about anything and everything, and I was surprised how easy he was to talk with. I found he told the silliest stories, most of them weren't even funny, just pointless but I loved hearing him talk and so I listened. _

_By the time we were done, it was growing dark, and I had to be home for dinner, as I did not live on campus. Being close, I commuted every day to save money. _

"_Where do you live? I'll walk you there." Harry offered. _

"_Oh no, that's fine, I can manage, but thank you." I said hastily, feeling uncomfortable at the thought of Harry Styles walking me home. Especially the fact that he'll know where I lived. _

"_No way, it's dark out, I'm not letting you go alone. Let me accompany you." Harry insisted. _

_I let out an exasperated sigh, and walked in the direction of my house. Harry followed. _

"_So how old are you, Amelia?" Harry asked, attempting to strike up conversation._

"_Amy." I corrected. Amelia sounded so formal from his lips. I didn't know why I hadn't corrected him earlier. "I'm nineteen. You?"_

"_Twenty." He said simply. "My birthday is in about three months." _

"_Happy really early birthday Harry." I said in a light tone. I placed my hands in my coat to avoid getting my hands cold from the November air. _

"_Thank you." Harry said, smiling at the ground. We walked at a relatively slow pace, which would have been annoying for me if I hadn't been with Harry. I was used to walking at a quick, brisk pace when I was on my own. No New Yorker walked slowly. "So what music are you into?" Harry added, in an attempt to strike up another conversation. _

"_I like a variety of music. I'm not into today's music, though. I like to listen to movie scores, and classic bands like The Beatles, and some underground stuff. Indie music is good too." I spoke, watching my breath condense in front of me. _

"_The Ramones?" Harry asked. _

"_Yes!" I exclaimed, practically jumping mid-step. That was a great band I listened to, and was happy to know Harry listened to them as well. I suddenly felt cheerful and elated because of the band Harry mentioned. Harry opened the buttons on his coat, revealing a black Ramones shirt he was wearing underneath. I smiled widely. He then asked my for my favorite song by them, and I in turn did the same, talking about indie bands all the way to the steps of my apartment building on Fifth Avenue. _

"_This was such a fun day, thank you so much." Harry said earnestly on the foot of my stairs. _

"_Same for me. Sorry I have to go, it would be awesome to hang out with you again." I replied, blushing a bit for being obvious I wanted to hang out with him. I was blushing very easily lately, and that bothered me. _

"_Definitely! Hey—here put your number in here so we can keep in touch." Harry said, pulling out his iPhone from his coat pocket. He handed it to me, and I entered my phone number. Then he gave me a quick hug and said goodbye. _

"_I'll text you soon, good night Amy!" _

"_Bye Harry, good night!"_

With a great sigh, I put on Harry's black Ramones shirt, taking in the lingering sent that was imbedded in the cloth. Essence of Harry Styles. My hands went to the collar of the shirt, pulling out my heart shaped necklace from inside the shirt. Then I rubbed my eyes and headed down to breakfast.

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Author's note: It goes by slow at first, but trust me it gets interesting. Thank you for reading so far and please leave a review!


	3. Chapter 2

_Amelia _Chapter Two

**Day: 02 Week: 00**

The phone rings three times before a husky male voice on the other side picks up with a lazy "Hello?" in an English accent.

"Hello, Liam? It's me, Amy." I said, pressing my cell phone between my shoulder and head in an attempt to keep both of my hands free so I could make myself some breakfast.

"Hey 'Lia, how are you doing?" Liam Payne replied, his voice getting considerably softer. I detected something else in his voice but I couldn't quite place it. His tone made me feel like I was a little kid though, as if I were three and had just hurt myself pretty badly.

"I'm fine, I was actually calling to see if you've heard from Harry. I haven't talked to him in a while, it's kind of unlike him to not talk to me for this long." I began, cracking an egg into the frying pan and grabbing some bacon to put in the pan too. There was a few long seconds of silence in which I occupied myself by cooking the bacon and egg. When the silence became almost too awkward to bear I considered asking him again but thankfully, he replied.

"Um… no, no I haven't heard from… from him. Amelia are you okay?"

"Of course, why do you ask?" I was beginning to ask myself if Liam was okay, because his worried tone did not sit well with me. I shook the feeling off though, because it was probably just my imagination. What really had me worried was the fact that Liam used my full name. He always called me 'Lia. Never Amelia.

"Just asking." Liam replied quietly, his voice sounding far off. He was thinking, I could tell. His mind was somewhere else, probably distracted.

I decided it was best if I hung up with him but before I did he promised he could come and visit me soon, as he lived a town about two hours from London, and I said I looked forward to it, and then hung up. I focused on my breakfast, which smelled deliciously compelling because of my famished state. Once finished cooking I grabbed the plate along with utensils and a glass of orange juice and moved to my living room and turned on the TV. For the first time, I felt slightly alone. My condo was small, fit for two people so it wasn't as if I was one person in the spacious home but Harry always kept me company. We practically lived together, and now that he wasn't here I felt so small. I flipped through the channels, ignoring my loneliness, and caught a few seconds of a movie being shown. The scene I happened to catch involved a man walking a woman home from their first date. They climbed the steps to her house, and he then said a few parting words like, "I had fun tonight" and went in for a kiss. Then the man walked away. It reminded me of my first date with Harry Styles.

_I happened to be in the college library, sitting in a study cubicle in the far corner of the second floor of the two floor library. I had my music theory text book on my lap, and my class notebook on the desk trying to sponge up as much information as possible. My mind was totally engrossed in what I was doing that I didn't hear my phone vibrate with an incoming text message. After three vibrations I then realized I had a message, and reached into my bag to check it. It was a single message from Harry Styles saying, "Where are you?" I replied, "In the library." And then went back to what I was doing, except I couldn't concentrate. Harry Styles wasn't the type of guy I expected to text me, or take an interest in my whereabouts. I felt flattered, really. Several pages later I heard footsteps behind me, followed by the sound of someone moving a chair toward my location. _

"_What are you doing tonight?" Harry asked me, and I looked up at him just in time to see him adjust his snapback on his head. I decided I liked the way his curls curled around his snapback and framed his face. _

"_Studying for a music theory test, why?" I replied nonchalantly, simultaneously realizing it was a Friday, and Harry was probably internally picking on me for staying in on a Friday night. _

"_How about a party?" He suggested. I detected eagerness to his voice which didn't help the feeling of edginess that was coming over me. It's not that I hated parties, I had just never attended many, and I wasn't friends with the right people to be invited to them. So naturally I just focused on my grades in school and wished I went to parties. _

"_I don't know…" I began to say. The people there weren't my type of people, but it would be nice to go somewhere public with Harry Styles, and be the envy of everyone on campus. But on the other hand I probably wouldn't enjoy myself. _

"_Come on, it will be fun. And it's not your typical party. It's on 49__th__ street. I know a bouncer there; we can get in for free." Harry pushed. He bit his lip, and I suspected it was probably something he did to get his way since so many people found it adorable when he did that. I wasn't immune to his charms, and fell for it. _

"_I don't know what to wear. I don't even have anything to wear." I said, giving out an excuse instead of an answer. _

"_Let me come over and I'll pick something out. I'm sure you have something." He pushed even more. I looked down toward my books, debating what I wanted to do. A party did sound fun, but I was nervous about going somewhere with him. Sensing this, Harry put on a pout, and I shut my book. "Fine. Fine. I'll go." I said in mock frustration, while Harry tried to keep back a smirk. _

"_Okay, I'll be at your house at nine, just give me your address." _

_I gave him directions to my apartment, and once he had what he wanted he left. I couldn't find the concentration to continue what I was doing, so I closed my books, mentally cursing him out for leaving my mind a complete mess. _

_Harry appeared at my door at precisely nine at night, wearing a dark blue button down shirt with white hearts on it, and black skinny jeans. He had a suit jacket tossed casually over his right shoulder, making his overall look very sexy. I personally had much trouble trying not to look at him too much, and decided it was better for both of us if we got to raking through my closet. _

_It was really awkward to watch Harry dig through my clothes, pushing aside pants and leggings and looking through mini-skirts and various dresses. I wondered what he thought of my wardrobe and wanted to know what he was thinking. It had me completely on edge. After about several minutes, Harry held a black and red dress in each hand, holding them out to me, gesturing me to try them on. I rolled my eyes and sighed, and stood up from where I sat on my bed and grabbed the two dresses and headed to the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and locked it just in case. I decided to grab the black one first. It was a solid black dress that came to about mid-thigh, and had a single shoulder strap. I quite liked this dress, it was modest on top, and that was something important for me considering my larger than normal bust. The dress wasn't extremely conservative either, and I liked the length which was teasing and flirtatious. I looked at my reflection in the mirror over the sink, thinking myself crazy. I was trying dresses on for a guy who waited in my bedroom. It was the first time that happened to me. I made a goofy panicked expression into my reflection for a second before grabbing the door knob and heading out. _

"_Well, that one's nice." Harry replied in a non-committal tone, appraising the black dress. I felt slightly uncomfortable standing in front of him while his eyes scanned my legs, up to my waist, chest, and finally, my face. My self-esteem was quite questionable at that moment, and I hoped to god for my own sake he liked what he saw. _

"_Yes, no, maybe?" I said, unsure of what to do. _

"_Let me see the red one." Harry demanded, and I automatically turned on my heel toward the bathroom again, conscious of his eyes on my retreating figure. _

_Inside the secure and closed doors of my bathroom, I quickly peeled off the black dress and grabbed the red one that lay on the floor. This dress was definitely flirtatious and sexy. It was crimson red, which looked really great with my brown curly hair and skin tone. It was strapless and came to about a little bit higher than mid-thigh. I felt slightly uncomfortable at the prospect of Harry seeing me in something like this, yet excited for it too, because I knew I looked good. This dress accented my hour glass figure, which was something I liked. Once again I opened the door and stepped out. _

"_Woah." Was Harry's immediate reaction. I felt blood rush to my cheeks as he appraised me in my red dress with wide eyes and a hungry expression. I gave him a questioning look and he immediately put his expression in check, making his face seem passive and indifferent. "Yeah, that one's good." Was all he said in the end. _

"_So, this one or the black one. Do I really need to wear a dress I mean…" I said, trailing off at the end due to my awkwardness. _

"_Okay stick with that one." Harry said, trying to be as indifferent as possible, but I could see through his indifference. He was trying hard to hide his expressions. "And yes it's a fancy party." Harry added in an almost childlike tone. "And it's almost ten so pretty yourself up and we will head out." _

_I ended up doing my makeup as usual, which was only to apply eyeliner. I decided to give myself a cat eye however, which surprisingly looked very nice. I then put on long silver earrings which helped frame my face nicely and finally, I put my hair up in a simple pony tail. I wasn't one for over doing things. I topped up the outfit with silver stilettos. _

_Harry and I walked side by side for four blocks where we descended into the subway and took the M train to our destination, where we ascended and walked two more blocks. I saw a long line of people dressed in semi-formal clothing very much like mine, except some women looked more revealing. I immediately felt like someone from a movie. I had lived in New York City for ten years, and I had never attended a club. I also found it astonishing that Harry had been here for about four months and already knew the bouncer and had access to this sort of thing. _

"_How do you even know these people?" I asked him once we were near enough to the line of people. Harry grabbed my forearm and pulled me along to the front of the line, where he greeted a tall and bulky bald bouncer. Harry neared himself to the man, whispered something in his ear which made the bouncer look at me from head to toe. Then the bouncer opened the door and let us into the club. _

"_Some friends from campus know a guy whose uncle is that guy out there." Harry yelled in my ear over the thundering music. It was so loud I felt it in my chest like a second heart beat. Still having a hold of my forearm, Harry weaved in and out of people leading me along the perimeter of the club and up the stairs onto a second platform that overlooked the dance floor. There he found a table with two chairs that was vacant and he let go of my arm. _

"_WHAT DO YOU THINK?" Harry yelled once more over the music. I liked the way the lights played with his facial features. I also thought Harry fit in well in the club scene. He seemed right at home. Instead of yelling to him, I brought both my thumbs up and showed him the gesture. He smiled, and pulled out a chair so I could go sit down. Once I sat he leaned over me and into my ear. My heart immediately began thundering and I was glad I had the pounding music to hide it. "Do you want something to drink?" He said, hearing him perfectly because his lips were so close to my ear. His tone was really sensual and I couldn't help getting a little turned on by it. _

"_Yes please." I replied in the same manner he had asked me. The club scene was getting to me. I immediately felt myself loosening up and beginning to tease him back, which caused a smirk to be plastered onto Harry's face. _

"_Any requests?" He asked, and I replied, "Surprise me." _

_Harry nodded and retreated, leaving me alone at the table. I pulled my phone out and checked the time. It was only ten fifteen. I felt awkward being alone in a club full of people, but I comforted myself with the fact that Harry would soon be back. I tried to spot him, but it was impossible with the amount of people there. _

"_Hey there pretty lady." I heard someone whisper behind me, and I immediately turned around to the direction of the voice. It came from a man, probably in his mid-twenties. He was moderately attractive, but he had a douchebag aspect about him which I did not like. I decided to smile weakly and then I turned back around, making it clear I did not want him there. "What's a sexy girl like you doing all alone?" He persisted, coming around from behind me so that he was right in front of my face. _

"_I'm not alone. I have someone getting me drinks." I replied non-chalantly, and then looked off to the side, away from the creep. _

"_Like a boyfriend or something?" The creep asked, with a look of dejection on his features. I was tempted to say yes, but the guy could possibly know Harry, as Harry knew everyone it seemed. Besides, if Harry found out I called him my boyfriend that would lead to awkwardness. I decided to tell the guy it was my date. _

"_What do you say you ditch your date and come with me, eh? I betcha I can show you a better time. What do you say?" The guy pressed, grabbing my chin and turning my face to face his. I immediately swatted his hand away, disgusted and a bit fearful. I wondered where Harry was in the process of getting drinks. _

"_Leave me alone, creep." I said, turning away from him and crossing my arms, looking into the crowd for Harry. _

"_Come on girly, you're too delicious to be left alone. What do you say?" The guy kept pressing. I was beginning to get really annoyed with him. _

"_Excuse me, is there a problem?" Harry was back, and jealousy with him. The relief I felt was instantaneous. I couldn't help smiling. _

"_No, there isn't a problem buddy why don't you back off. Can't you see I'm talking to the girl?" The guy turned around and told Harry, who couldn't believe what an idiot this creep was. _

"_The girl doesn't want to talk to you, so why don't you go get your own date before picking on mine? I suggest you get out of my face before I get angry you asshole." Harry said, his features turning angry and threatening. I was surprised to see him so defensive, and yet pleased at the same time that he came to my defense. The guy apparently realized that Harry was the date I had been talking about and stalked off reluctantly, but not without winking at me. I was completely disgusted, so I simply flipped him off. _

"_I'm really sorry about that Amelia; I shouldn't have left you alone I don't know what I was thinking." Harry said, placing both my drink and his down on the table. I took mine, which was a pink drink with a lemon wedge in it and found it was a martini upon tasting it. _

"_It's okay, and thank you, Harry. How did you get these? You're not even twenty one." I replied, although I wasn't complaining. Some alcohol was much needed after that event. _

_Harry simply smiled. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him flash me his fake ID and I shook my head. The boy had his ways, I had to admit. Harry took one sip of his yellowish drink which I assumed was pina colada and stood up. He held his hand out to me._

"_Want to dance?" _

_I took his hand and placed my drink back on the table, and I allowed him to lead me down the stairs and to the dance floor. He led me to the middle of the floor packed with people so close together it reminded me of a can of sardines. I found it adorable the way Harry nodded his head to the beat, raising the arm that held my hand and then he turned to me. A momentary lapse of shock overtook me, as I realized I was a terrible and awkward dancer. However I simply mimicked his movements, occasionally cracking up at how stupid I felt. After a few minutes of dancing that way, I turned around and saw the guy who had creeped on my from earlier in the crowd. Harry looked where I was looking and probably saw him too, because I immediately felt his hand on my waist, pushing me closer to him. I secretly liked this new jealous Harry, and I was glad the strobe lights could hide my smug expression. _

"_He's still watching you. He's pissing me off." Harry said into my ear, his breath upon my skin making goosebumps along my neck and down my arm. Harry suddenly grabbed my hand and made me spin around, placing my back against his chest. I realized now we matched the rest of the club, who seemed to be grinding. '_Oh my god I'm going to grind with Harry Styles.' _I thought suddenly. I've only grinded twice in my life, and this was about to be my third time. Needless to say I was slightly nervous. Harry's hands grabbed my hips securely, pushing me closer and rocking me side to side to the beat of the music. I slyly bent forward the tiniest bit knowing full well the effect it would have on him. I reveled in the feel of his body against mine, swinging to the fast paced music. We danced that way to about ten songs, but I had lost track. Each song I became braver and moved more seductively against Harry. Harry in turn gripped me tighter, his hands moving down near my rear. I found I really liked it, and I was really enjoying myself. I no longer had to be this studious student, I could be rebellious and a little bit crazy if I wished. It was a nice freedom. _

_Eventually we got tired and went to the bar. Harry pulled out his fake ID and got drinks once more. Martini in hand, I chugged it, unaware of my thirst. I placed it down on the bar, glancing up at Harry to find him smirking at me with wide eyes. I pretended not to notice. _

"_It's nearly two in the morning. Do you want to head out?" Harry asked, having just checked the time on his phone. I gave him a surprised look. Two in the morning already?! Going home sounded like a good idea just then, but I had too much fun so far to just leave it there. In my mind, I pictured him asking me if I wanted to go back to his dorm. I would have accepted in a heartbeat. _

"_Yeah, let's head out." I told him, and Harry then grabbed my hand in reply and pulled me out of the maze of people and out of the club. _

"_Come on, I'll walk you home." He said, to my slight disappointment. Part of me was really glad, loving the gentlemanly aspect of him, the part where one doesn't take a girl home on the first date. Another part of me was a bit dejected. I have heard stories of Harry meeting girls and bringing them home in a span of two hours. Did he not like me? Did I do something wrong? I simply just nodded to him in reply, and we both walked in a slow pace back to my house. _

"_So Amelia," Harry began._

"_Amy." I corrected. I didn't know why I haven't done it sooner, Amelia sounded too formal coming from his mouth. _

"_Amy." Harry corrected. "You were quite the party animal back there. Never knew you had it in you." I thanked the fact that it was dark outside because my cheeks soon turned apple red. _

"_Everyone has sides to them." I replied as calmly as possible. "I'm sorry if—"_

"_No no. Uh. I uh, I really liked that side of you." Harry half mumbled. My cheeks felt like they were on fire. "I should bring you to clubs more often." _

_I stayed silent, not knowing what to say. I tried unsuccessfully to wipe the smile from my face but it wouldn't leave so I ended up walking like a smiling idiot by Harry's side. _

"_It's really nice. Most girls are completely one sided but you, you have all these little aspects and each are different. It's cool." Harry commented while looking forward. I murmured a few words of thanks and a few minutes later I was on my street, and up my steps. We climbed the steps and stopped at the entrance door. _

"_I had a lot of fun, Harry." I said, ignoring my desire to hide my face from him and run to my room for safety. Instead, I bravely looked into his eyes for a short time before looking back down at the ground. _

"_Me too. You're a lot of fun, Amy." He replied, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him moving closer. I lifted my face to face him, completely wanting to kiss him, and I saw Harry lean forward the tiniest bit but then the moment was gone. "Good night, Amy. See you in school Monday." And Harry walked down the steps and into the night. _

Completely consumed in my memory of my first date with Harry, I realized I had been staring at the television for quite some time. I grabbed my phone and quickly texted Harry, saying I missed him and loved him, and to come home soon. I toyed with my heart shaped silver necklace, but then stopped. I shut off the television, not wanting to be reminded of Harry for the time being.


	4. Chapter 3

_Amelia _Chapter Three

**Day: 03 Week: 00**

The sounds of someone rustling through my quiet and still apartment woke me up from my slumbering sleep. I opened one eye, then two, and let my sleepy eyes adjust to my surroundings. I saw a tall figure enter my room but I did not panic.

"Harry?" I quietly whispered, to which the figure made a shushing noise indicating that I should not worry, and go back to sleep. It was this simple gesture that made me realize it was indeed Harry, and I moved over in my bed to make room for him. He quickly got in, and I felt right at home. The warmth of his body was like an extra blanket, and I cuddled up to him, my face on his chest.

"How did you get in?" I whispered to him, closing my eyes.

"I have the keys." He murmured back, his voice raspy and groggy. It was a very attractive sound to me. "I missed you Amy. I had to see you."

"Where have you been? I've texted you." I replied, wrapping my arms around his large torso as a sign that he should never escape me.

"I know, I haven't had my phone on me. I've been busy with the store, we are adding a recording studio, and I even got to record some things." He replied, snaking an arm around my lower waist and pulling me closer.

"It's been three days." I tell him.

"I know, by the time I get home it's too late to come see you. But I did tonight. I'm sorry Amy."

"It's okay." I say, with one hand on my necklace. It's the last thing I say, because after that my mind drifted off into a peaceful sleep. It was the first peaceful night in ages.

**Day: 05 Week: 00**

I was in the middle of folding my clothes on the kitchen table, just having finished laundry, when my phone rings. I see it's my mom and I answer it.

"Hello mom!" I say, glad to hear her voice. It's been four weeks since we've last talked. Since I moved to England, it's been hard to keep in touch with her, but we manage to spare a few minutes during the week to catch up.

"Hey sweetheart, how are you doing?" My mother replies in a very consoling tone. She was talking to me as if I just went through some sort of traumatic experience and she felt badly for me. Taken aback, it took me a few seconds to reply, but I finally told her everything was fine. "That's good, how's school?" She asked.

"Well I'm on vacation right now but it's going fine. How are things over in the USA?" I asked, placing my phone between my cheek and shoulder in order to continue folding laundry.

"We're fine, just worried about you, dear. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Mom, what is there to be worried about? Besides the fact that the only time I get to see Harry is at night basically, my life is fine." I replied. Her unnecessary concern was annoying me to the point where I didn't feel like talking to her anymore.

"Did you say, Harry, dear? You see him at night?"

"Yeah. He's so busy with his record store he has no time for me anymore. And it's not like I could go down and see him either because no one can go in unless you actually have business to do there. It's very top notch. And he's so busy he wouldn't have time to do anything anyways. But don't worry mom, I'll work it out. Stop being so worried, okay?" I said into the phone, grabbing a Beatles tee shirt and folding it. "Mom? Are you there?" I asked after several seconds of silence. She was beginning to worry me.

"Yes, yes I'm here. Sorry I just got… Um, well. I'm glad for you, then." My mother replied in a very unconvincing manner. She sounded more worried than before which angered me.

"Mom. What's going on." I angrily asked, stopping in the middle of folding my shirt just to pay attention to the phone call.

"Nothing. Really… I have to go, I have to help your father with the yard work. Enjoy your last year of college, okay? And—yeah take care, Amelia Jane." My mother said, fishing for words. I gave up trying to understand her. I simply said my goodbyes and hung up, mulling over what she had to be worried about. But in the end, I was glad to hear my mom's voice. Distance was probably hard for her to deal with. I would know. I remembered when Harry finished his year of studying abroad, he promised to skype me at least once a week. And so we did. Our first Skype session was particularly amusing, but it was got us moving as a couple in the first place.

_I opened the Skype window with excitement and anticipation at seeing Harry's face again. Since our first date, we had gone to more places together, but we had never done anything to make people think we were an item. After a few of those hang outs with him I came to terms with the fact that Harry probably wanted me as a friend, and I pushed aside my feelings, even though I still had them. I quickly fixed my hair and checked how I looked and before I knew it he was calling me. _

"_Helloooooo" Harry greeted, drawing out the last syllable of his greeting and grinning at me from ear to ear. I couldn't help but smile back and giggle a little. He looked absolutely adorable and almost childlike despite his current bad boy appearance. "Oh I have some friends with me too." Harry added, and four guys stepped into my frame of view. "This is Liam," He said as a brown haired guy came up behind Harry and waved at me. I waved back. "This is Niall," Harry introduced as a blond haired guy knelt down so his face was seen by me. _

"_Hello Amelia!" The blond said, and I immediately noticed his heavy Irish accent. I absolutely loved accents. They were the coolest things ever. It's part of what made Harry so cool, but I had quickly gotten used to his accent. _

"_This is…" Harry began, looking around the room. "Where's Zayn?" He asked the brown haired boy, Liam. The boy shrugged right as another guy came in from the hallway. "Oh. There's Zayn." Harry said spotting the black haired boy. He looked slightly Middle Eastern to me, but had this cool look about him that I found very attractive. "This is Zayn." Harry said to me. I quickly greeted Zayn, and he waved back and was quickly out of my view. "And this is Louis." Harry said. _

"_Hey Amelia!" The boy named Louis said with enthusiasm into the webcam. He had brown hair and a bit of stubble on his chin, but what really impressed me was the way his hair swept across his head very gracefully. All of Harry's friends seemed very attractive and well groomed. _

"_Hello, Louis!" I said with equal enthusiasm. _

"_Hey Amelia," Louis said, "Did you know Harry fancies the pants off you?" Harry quickly made a move to cover his friend's mouth but he was too late. The blond guy, Niall, erupted into a fit of laughter. Not knowing what to do I blushed, and looked down and to both Harry and my embarrassment, Louis continued. "Yeah, he talks about you all the time. Did you know that?" _

"_AAAAHAHAHHAHAHA oh my god Louis HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA" The blond Irish boy continued to laugh harder than anyone else in the room. _

_Harry had moved out of view, all I could see of him were his curls on the bottom of my frame of view. He was probably with his head on his desk, completely embarrassed, and I couldn't blame him. I felt like doing the same thing. _

"_Anyways, come on boys, let's leave Harry with his lovely girl. Nice meeting you Amelia." Louis said, pushing all the boys out of the room. Niall was still laughing, saying things like, "I can't believe you Louis, I can't believe you did that." _

_After they left it was really quiet. Harry remained out of my sight for a few seconds and when he reappeared his face was completely red. I felt complete joy, glad that Harry did have an interest in me after all. _

"_So, you have interesting friends." I began. _

"_Yeah, I'm really sorry about that." Harry apologized. _

"_Is it true?" I asked after a few moments. _

"_Yeah. Yeah it is." Was all he replied. "I didn't want to start anything because I would be leaving soon."_

_Needless to say, I was ecstatic. _

The memory of my first Skype session with Harry quickly made me think of the first time I came here, to England, as part of my study abroad program I had always wanted to do. I remembered that as soon as I told him about it, he was completely excited for it. He absolutely couldn't wait for me to do my junior year of college in his country, while he completed his senior year.

_I grabbed my carryon bag and walked out of the terminal, my eyes scanning for Harry. He told me he would drive out and meet me at the airport, and then show me to my new dorm on the college campus as I had no idea how to get around the city of London. I found him quickly however, standing in the distance with a sign that read, "Welcome to London, Amy!" I laughed, it was totally like him to do something completely cheesy. I found my feet running to him and he ran toward me and we both collided in a warm, long overdue hug. _

"_Ammmmyyyy" Harry said stretching out my name. He hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe. "I'm so glad you decided to study abroad, now I can see you more often!" He said, letting go of me and taking a good look at my face. I felt myself blush. _

"_I'm glad to be here to! Come on, let's pick up my luggage." I told him, walking to the luggage pick up. After I found my suitcase he takes it from me so I didn't have to carry it, and walks me out of the airport and into his car. _

"_What's your address?" He asked, getting into the driver's seat. Forgetting that everything was the other way around in Europe, I was a bit confused as to why he sat in the passenger's seat. In about three seconds it dawned on me that I was to sit where the driver's seat was, and I crossed the front of the car and sat down. I told Harry my address, and he started the car, driving toward our destination. _

"_I'm going to give you the grand tour tomorrow, after you're all settled. You're going to love it here. You'll actually get to meet my friends, and get to know them and it will just be really great."_

"_I'm looking forward to it!" I replied. I was especially looking forward to the chance to get to know Harry better, and perhaps start something with him. Completely happy and free with a new sense of independence, I relaxed in the car seat, and let Harry drive me to my new home. _


	5. Chapter 4

_Amelia_ Chapter Four

**Day: 06 Week: 00**

Sometime during the afternoon of my very pleasant and sunny Sunday morning, I felt a bit lonely and in need of a friendly and familiar voice. I decided to call Niall Horan, who was currently in Mullingar, Ireland, visiting his family. It struck me suddenly that I haven't really seen Harry's friends in a long time. We all used to hang out as one big group, more often than not accompanied by Perry, and Eleanor, who were the girlfriends of Zayn and Louis respectively. It was nice, like a big group of friends, and I remembered thinking life was rather perfect then.

Not wanting to delve too much into the nostalgia, I dialed Niall's number which I knew by heart and waited for an answer.

"Hello Amy!" A voice thick with an Irish accent greeted me on the other side. I smiled to myself, glad to hear his voice.

"Hello Niall," I replied cheerfully. "How are you?"

"I'm good! Nice to be with the family again, how are you holding up Amy?"

"Fine, not thrilled about going back to the university tomorrow. Kind of bored and a bit alone… " I replied, the last sentence more of a thought to myself than to Niall.

"I can imagine." Niall replied in a dejected and sad tone. I wondered why that was. "Listen, it's going to be okay, you'll pull through." I thought this was a bit much for feeling bored and alone, but I pushed it aside in favor of another question.

"Thanks. Hey, weird random question, but have you heard from Harry at all? I haven't seen him in about almost a week, except for a few times, and I'm getting worried."

There was silence on the other end, and I thought I heard Niall hold his breath.

"Are you all right, Amy?"

It was my turn to be silent. Why was it that every time I mentioned Harry everyone asked if I was okay? Were things not okay? Was there something wrong with Harry? With me? I told Niall this, to which he replied:

"Well it's tough to be in a relationship when you don't uh, see each other. I think we're just looking out for you, that's all." Niall replied, clearly distraught and fishing for words.

"Are you sure that's it?" I asked, still suspicious. He assured me that that was all. I calmed down a bit, trusting Niall's word. "Well how are the others?" I asked, in an attempt to change the subject.

"Um… Well we've kind of grown apart since—Yeah well Zayn is now working in a clothing store in London, seems to be a pretty top notch store. Louis got a part time job as a drama teacher, but he's not really into the job anymore. Liam is working in aviation with his dad, and I've got a small job at Nando's. Not really anything special, but we're getting by."

"That's good." I replied, catching Niall's stumble in the beginning. "Well I've got to go, I have school early tomorrow. Nice talking to you Niall, hopefully we can hang out soon!"

We exchanged our goodbyes and promises to hang out, and then I hung up, the suspicion from the phone call still lingering in the air.

**Day: 07 Week: 01**

Having just gotten home from school, I put my bag down on my bed, and turned on the computer, to get a head start on my homework. It was a habit for me to do homework immediately after school, that way I had time the rest of the day to do as I pleased. I wondered however, if Harry was on Skype. It seemed unlikely, but I was so desperate to see him and hear him that I was willing to try anything. I signed to Skype however, and saw him offline. I read his Skype status and smiled. "Amy is the most beautiful girl, that not even the stars hold a candle to how bright she shines," It said. I remembered clearly how that got there.

_Harry and I were sitting on my bed one chilly November morning. He was watching me do my homework while he played with my hair, wearing a concentrated expression. _

"_It's nearly time Amy, sign into my Skype." He murmured while he pulled strands of my hair. _

"_Ouch, Harry." I replied as he pulled my hair. _

"_I'm so sorry!" Harry said quickly, his eyes looking like those of a wounded puppy, and I immediately melted on the inside. He kissed my forehead and eyed my laptop, to which I sighed and turned it on. At three O'clock he had a "Skype date" with one of his friends he had met in America, when he was an exchange student at the Manhattan School of Music. _

"_Oh look, you have nothing written on your status bar!" I said jokingly and teasingly, formulating a small plan in my head. "Let's change that, shall we?" _

"_Oh god what are you doing?" He replied, a bit busy undoing whatever he had done in my hair. _

"_Nothing." I replied coyly. I typed the sentence 'Amelia is the most beautiful girl.' Before Harry saw and began protesting. _

"_Don't make me look like a fluffy romantic!" He said, seeing what I was typing and pressing the backspace button. I quickly countered by attempting to remove his large hand from the button, but failed miserably. He still had that frat boy, player reputation back in America, and I suppose he intended on keeping it that way. _

"_Come on, Harry! Don't you wuv me?!" I said, giving him my best puppy dog pout face. _

"_Yes but—" _

"_Do you love me?"_

"_Yes I do but—" _

"_Then let me type it—"_

"_No I—"_

"_But Harry don't you love me?"_

"_Yes but—AHHHH FINE." Harry screamed in surrender, throwing his hands up in the air like a five year old. I laughed and typed out the rest of my sentence. _

_Suddenly there were hands on either sides of my ribs and I erupted into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, fighting for breath. I squirmed to try and get away from Harry's grip but he was too strong. He straddled me and continued to tickle me until I feebly told him I couldn't breathe any more. As an apology for his violent tickling, he gave me a small kiss, and moved off of me. Out of breath, I stuck my tongue out at him, swearing to get revenge. _

I couldn't look at that status anymore. I sighed, and signed off Skype, feeling like a piece of me was missing.

**Day: 08 Week: 01**

"I'm glad you decided to come with me, because this is the only sunny day this week and I plan to take full advantage of it." My best friend from the university, Ellen Hoffman, said to me the moment we stepped out doors. It was a chilly morning, and I felt glad I was wearing my pea coat and knitted scarf. When Ellen had asked to walk around the city of London with me, I was a bit reluctant. I wanted to stay at home, completely warm and surrounded by comfort. Once I stepped outside however, I realized it wasn't so bad.

"Where to?" I asked her, following her down the street.

"Where ever the wind takes us. Let's just figure it out as we go." Ellen replied. I smiled at her words. She was quite the free spirit, completely open to adventure and wonder. I often found myself wanting to be more like her, but I never quite had the courage.

I simply stayed quiet and followed her into town, walking past stores and restaurants, making conversation about our new professors, the classes we were taking, and the work load. Ellen wasn't as studious as I was by a long shot, but she took her studies seriously still. I noticed she wouldn't stop talking, not even allowing for a pause in the conversation. I felt as if she were trying to keep me busy by keeping the conversation alive.

"—And for my adult psychology class we have this professor, and he seems pretty boring, like, I don't know he talks in this monotone and I was just completely bored during the entire class, I don't know how I'm going to pass. Also, the material seems quite hard and there's a lot, and if you add that with the boring professor… Lia, I'm going to positively die! Do you think I should drop…." But I wasn't listening to the rest of her sentence. In fact, I had tuned her out completely, because I had caught sight of something. It was a store, called London Jewelers. I stopped mid stride and stood there, looking into the store window, catching sight of all the beautiful necklaces. Subconsciously, I grabbed my heart shaped necklace and toyed with it.

"_All moved in!" Harry said with childish joy, raising both arms in celebration. I couldn't help but laugh. It took three days for me to get everything out of my suitcase and organize it, and another three days to buy small furniture that I would need to make myself feel at home. Harry had helped me out a lot, and he even got his friends that I had met during our first Skype session long ago to help. I felt very appreciative for his help. _

"_Thank you so much Harry." I said earnestly, walking over to him and hugging him briefly. During that brief hug I took in his warmth, and the way his large arms suddenly encircled me. I felt like something small, being protected by someone big and warm, and I felt happy there, if only for a brief moment. _

"_I still haven't shown you around town." Harry said in a suggestive tone, once we broke apart. I smiled at him, and ran toward my bedroom to put on a light jacket. _

_Fifteen minutes later we found ourselves at the heart of London, walking around shops. Harry pointed out the best shops, best places to eat, and his favorite places in that city. I walked with my hands out of my pockets in the hopes that he would hold them at some point. It didn't escape my attention that he never put his hands in his pockets either. _

_We had been walking around for about two hours, just touring the city, and taking pictures of really beautiful places that I liked. Eventually Harry suggested we get something to eat, and so we walked by his favorite casual Italian restaurant which was two blocks from where we were. _

"_This place is absolutely my favorite, they have really good food here." Harry said, holding the door open for me. I murmured a word of thanks. I wasn't used to guys doing that for me, and I wasn't sure how to react. _

"_I'll take your word for it." I said, looking around. The restaurant looked cozy, and it wasn't as packed with people as it looked. _

_A waiter immediately showed us to our table, which was a booth in the center of the restaurant, and took our drinks. He left, giving us a minute to take a look at the menu. After reading through the menu, and still ending up being completely undecided, Harry suggested I get the London ravioli, which I ordered once the waiter came back. _

"_So how do you like it so far?" Harry said after swallowing his calzone. _

"_It's really nice, but there are some things that I still haven't gotten used to, like the streets and just… being away from my family. It's cool yet, a bit frightening at the same time." I replied earnestly, tossing ravioli across my plate. _

"_I understand. When I was in America it wasn't easy for me to get used to it either. But I've pretty much been on my own since I was seventeen so the family thing wasn't as big of a deal. I'm glad you like it, though." Harry said. I felt his eyes on me and I didn't dare look up because I was unsure as to how to react. He was staring at me so intently. "So, what do you like? What are you into?" Harry added, sparking my interest. I finished chewing and opened my mouth to reply. _

"_I like… music, obviously. I play the piano, guitar, flute, and French horn. I like to write poetry and small stories… I like to travel, and… live." I said, adding in the last word awkwardly. Of course I liked to live… I felt so stupid saying such a think but it was already said, and I couldn't take it back. Harry smirked, however, clearly liking what I had said. _

"_What do you like about it?" He demanded simply._

_I took a minute to think. I couldn't exactly explain my passion for something so easily._

"_It's freeing. I don't know. It's something that I find interesting and relaxing. When I play music… I express my very feeling into the instrument and I get to hear how I am feeling. When I write… I create a whole new world. My very imagination becomes imprinted on paper and I can kind of play god. I can create and destroy whatever I please. It's empowering." I looked away from Harry in embarrassment. "It's really cheesy, I know." I added as an excuse. _

"_That's beautiful." He replied. I looked up in surprise. "You don't meet girls with as much passion for something anymore." _

"_What do you like to do?" I asked in turn curiously._

"_I like to…" Harry paused, biting his lip in an adorable way which dictated he was searching for a means to explain himself. I waited patiently, watching him. "I'm really into the recording, remixing business. I like to help musicians with their work, make it better, and make it so that others can listen to it. I like to take their material and spread it." He said finally. _

"_And what do you like about it?" I asked, mimicking his earlier question. Harry realized this and gave me a mock-annoyed look but immediately smiled. _

_Harry thought for a while, stumped. His green eyes bounced around the restaurant, concentrating on the right words._

"_I don't know. I guess I like to be part of the process in which someone else's music is listened to." Harry said. I nodded, pleased with his answer. We finished our plates in silence, enjoying each other's presence. I noticed that with Harry, silence wasn't uncomfortable. It was part of the conversation. I never felt the need to say anything unless I had to, which was nice. "So this is your last year of university?" Harry asked while we were waiting for the check. I affirmed. "Nice. Last year was mine. I'm actually now working in a record store which has a recording studio in it. My dad owns it, he'll be retiring soon, and when he does I can take over." _

"_That's awesome! It's really nice how you have your job set, hence your future. I still have to worry about finding a job after this." I replied._

"_What were you going for again?" _

"_Music education." I informed him._

"_Music teacher, huh. I don't know why, but it seems fitting for you. You'll find a job." The waiter had come, and handed his check to Harry. I began pulling out my wallet so I could help Harry out with the bill, but he held up a hand. I made a move to protest but he simply shushed me. "If you want to make it up to me, how about you play for me?" He said. _

"_Oh I don't know about that." I said, completely frightened and nervous about the idea of playing for Harry. It wasn't so much playing in front of people that bothered me, I was used to that. But what if my playing displeased Harry? I was too nervous. _

"_Think about it." Was all he said as we left the restaurant. _

_After we left the restaurant completely full, Harry decided to show me more stores, and perhaps get dessert on the way. We walked about four blocks, talking about what we liked, music we listened to, our friends, family, and any topic that we happened to cross. I was surprised at how easy he was to talk to, and despite being the cool frat boy back in America, I found Harry quite cheesy, his jokes especially. _

"_This… this is the best jewelry store in town!" Harry said in a very tour guide-like voice, in front of a store called London Jewelers. It looked very impressive and expensive, I had to admit. "My aunt's cousin owns this store… I often get discounts." He said, looking at me very smugly. I was beginning to think Harry really did have all the connections. I tore my attention from Harry and paused to look inside the store window for a while, admiring all the silver and gold necklaces and rings, emerald earrings, diamond rings, and sapphire necklaces. My eyes happened to fall upon a very simple, yet elegant silver heart shaped necklace. It was quite beautiful. The heart itself was outlined by small diamonds which commanded attention yet did not draw one immediately to them. Harry must have caught my lustful stare toward the necklace because I heard him say:_

"_It's beautiful, isn't it?" _

"_It really is!" I said, simply commenting. To my surprise, Harry left my side and entered the store, talking to the cashier, and pointing to me. In pure shock, I tried to get Harry's attention, in order to tell him not to buy me the necklace. This was already too much! However, two minutes later, Harry came out with a small box, and handed it to me. _

"_No, Harry, I couldn't possibly! Why did you do this, I didn't ask—" _

"_Stop it was nothing! Look I even got it for free—" _

"_That doesn't matter! I didn't ask for a necklace, I—" _

"_Yeah but you like it?"_

"_Yeah but—"_

"_So here." Harry said, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. _

"_I can't this is too much, really thanks but—"_

"_A beautiful necklace for a beautiful girl?" Harry pleaded. I felt myself blush and stumble over my words. _

"_That's flattering but—" _

"_Come on Harry I can't—"_

"_Please?!"_

"_But why—"_

"_Because I really fancy you." _

_My breath caught, and I stayed silent. _

"_You'll accept this if you fancy me too." Harry spoke, his deep voice filling every fiber of my being with excitement and joy._

_Hesitantly, I took the necklace, feeling my face blush as I looked up at him with hooded eyes. The dimpled smile on his face was impossible to miss. It was so beautiful that I couldn't help smiling myself._

"_I guess we just confessed our love for each other." Harry said offhandedly. _

"_Yeah, I guess so." I said, having really nothing to say. I wished very much to jump and squeal at that moment but I contained myself. "Thank you, Harry." I added in earnest, meeting my brown eyes with his, to which he nodded and muttered a 'you're welcome' in reply. He grabbed the box from me and took out the necklace, and I instinctively moved my hair from around my neck, allowing him to put the necklace on for me. The metal felt cold against my skin, but I welcomed it, because it came with the warm, soft, and tender touch from Harry's long fingers._

"Come on, Amelia." Ellen said, her voice snapping me out of my wonderful memory. Her voice had been soft and sad, and a tad regretful. I found myself nodding as I turned away from the jewelry store, Ellen's hand rubbing my back consolingly as we walked away.


	6. Chapter 5

_Amelia _Chapter Five

**Day: 10 Week: 01**

"So how's your job?" I asked Zayn as I sat down on the sofa next to Niall. Both had come to visit me that day and I was quite surprised and extremely happy to see them in person. After all the hugs and greetings and the usual, 'I missed you so much!' and 'Long time no see!' , the three of us finally settled on the sofa, eating chips and pizza and catching up. I felt like all I needed was Liam, Louis and Harry, and my life would be complete.

"It's pretty good. I work in a sick clothing store, it's pretty nice there. Has like, three floors and it's pretty chill." Zayn remarked in his thick English accent. I nodded along, noting how Zayn had grown some stubble on his face since the last time I saw him. He looked more, cutting edge, if that was the word for it.

"Glad you like it! Where is it?" I inquired genuinely.

"About fifteen minutes outside London." Zayn replied, taking a second slice of pizza.

"Amy I can't believe you still have that picture of us." Niall cut in, after swallowing a handful of chips. He pointed directly in front of him to a shelf above my television, to a picture of Niall, Louis, Zayn and I at a birthday party.

"Of course I would. It's the best picture ever. Especially your face, Niall." I commented, my eyes scanning over the picture. Niall's face was scrunched in a very comical way, and his tongue, which was blue, was sticking out.

"Ah, someone's calling me." Zayn said, patting his jean pockets and pulling out his phone. Once he looked at the screen his face tightened and his jawline became more pronounced. I didn't miss the look Zayn gave me. It lasted a split second but went unmissed by me. I felt myself stiffen in response. "Excuse me." He said to Niall and I. "Hello?" He said, standing up and walking several steps away from where we sat. "Uh, yeah I think—" Zayn turned to look at Niall and I. "I think she's okay." His voice was now lowered into an almost whisper. Suddenly, Zayn looked around and headed out of the living room, but not before saying, "Yeah, well, we just don't know how to tell her."

I felt my eyebrows knit in concentration and my body become tense. What was Zayn talking about? Who was he talking to?

"So uh, Amy this is great pizza, really really good. Where did you get it from?" Niall asked, a note of nervousness in his voice. It was that comment that completely set me off. Niall knew perfectly well where I had ordered the pizza. I had been getting it from the same place since I first arrived to England.

"Niall, who is Zayn talking to?" I asked seriously, though I could not hide the nervousness from my voice. Thousands of options were taking shape in my mind, but I settled on one. It made sense. It was Harry. It had to be. Why else would Zayn have turned to look at me, and moved away? He didn't want me over hearing. And what about what I had heard? Why did Harry want to know if I was okay? What was it that Zayn didn't know how to tell me? One single thought crashed into my head, and made my stomach drop: Harry wanted to break up with me. With every single fiber of my being, I wished it weren't true, but everything made sense. What else could it be? My heart began pounding, and I began to lose my breath. This was why I hadn't seen him often. Why everyone was sad at the mention of him. They all thought I was going through a terrible break up.

At that moment, Zayn came back, and it was clear to me he was uncomfortable.

"Zayn who was that on the phone." I demand from him, a threatening lull to my voice. Zayn didn't look at me, but at Niall, who sat frozen. "It was Harry, wasn't it." I say with complete assertiveness. I don't wait for an answer, and stood up in anger. "What is it you don't want to tell me? Why can't he tell me himself?"

"Amelia, listen it's not—" Zayn cut in, putting his hands up in a defensive manner, his brown eyes glistening with misunderstanding.

"No you listen!" I nearly yelled, enraged now. "Why are you guys hiding things?! Why can't Harry tell me himself he wants to break up with me?! Why do you guys have to keep that from me? I can't believe you guys! I—I thought we were all friends! I—I can't believe you two!"

Not wanting to deal with them anymore, I angrily left the living room despite the protest from Niall and Zayn. Once in my room, I slammed the door and let out an angry sob and threw myself on the bed. I was absolutely heart broken. A two year, meaningful relationship, ended by the word of someone else, on a phone. It was ridiculous.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Harry's number, which I knew by heart. I was so angry, I couldn't wait to give Harry a piece of my mind. How dare he break up with me this way. Instead of ringing, I heard three beeps and a voice,

"The number you have dialed has either been disconnected or is no longer in service. Please hang up, or dial one for more options."

I screamed, and chucked my phone against the wall, where it fell pathetically against a heap of clothes. I didn't care. Instead, I threw myself on the bed, and cried.

**Day: 11 Week: 01**

It was dark when I became conscious of the fact that there was someone in the room with me. I opened my eyes quite suddenly, and with a start. I saw a tall shadow right in front of me, picking up a picture frame which had been turned down. I knew what picture it was. It was one of me and Harry, one that I had turned down because I did not want to look at it, one that made me cry if I did.

"Why did you do that?" Harry's deep, hoarse voice spoke, referring to the turned down picture frame. For a moment, I was confused as to why I even turned it down, but once my head cleared up the events from the previous night came flooding back, and with it, came anger.

"Why are you even here, Harry?! I can't believe you! If you wanted to break up with me, why didn't you do it in person?!"

"Amy, love, what are you talking about?" Harry said, clearly and truly hurt by my accusations. He sat down on the edge of my bed and I moved away from him, unsure.

"You called Zayn yesterday, I am not stupid. You wanted him to tell me you wanted to break up. Why couldn't you just tell me? I thought we had a mature enough relationship where we could talk about these things. Is this why you never come to see me anymore? How could you do this to me?" I said, fresh tears cascading down my cheeks. I felt an ache in my heart that was so deep I felt nothing could take it away. Like I would never be happy again.

"Babe, listen. You're jumping to conclusions. That wasn't me on the phone. It wasn't. I don't want to break up with you. I still love you, very much so. I would never let you go. You misunderstood Zayn or something." Harry replied in a calm voice, like someone talking to a scared wild animal.

"Really?" I asked in a small voice, drying my tears with my bed sheets.

"Yes." Harry said, moving closer and drying my tears with his thumb. I immediately rested my forehead on his shoulder, and in turn he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me onto him. I felt so silly suddenly. Perhaps I had jumped to conclusions.

"It's just that I never see you, and I miss you so much. I just, I don't know what to do, Harry." I confessed to him, wrapping my arms around his torso, deciding that I would never let go of him.

"I know, I know. I miss you too." Harry said, resting his chin on top of my head. "It's hard, but we will get through it. I'm just so busy with my job and you have school… we need to learn to balance everything."

"Will you stay with me tonight?" I ask him, not wanting to talk about anything negative any longer. I just wanted to focus on him, and being with him. I felt that it was all I was meant to do at that moment. It was all I was able to do.

"Yes." He said, pulling away from his embrace and lying down on the bed, pulling me with him with one hand. I followed, and rested my head on his chest, feeling his heart beating in a soothing rhythm.

"Will you be here when I wake?" I asked once more.

He sighed.

"I have to leave early to open up the shop, but I will be there with you tomorrow evening."

I nodded despite my disappointment, but I was still content with the fact that I would see him tomorrow. Harry murmured soft, velvet words ushering me to sleep, and I obeyed, feeling calm and relaxed in his presence once more.


	7. Chapter 6

_Amelia _Chapter Six

**Day: 12 Week: 01**

I hadn't been home from school for more than a half hour, when my cell phone rings. I look at the screen, and see it's Liam, and my heart drops a little because I was half expecting Harry. I hadn't forgotten Harry and I were to hang out this evening, and it was constantly on my mind. I click the answer button anyway, and quickly masked the slight disappointment I felt, and replaced it with a cheerful tone.

"Hey Liam, what's up?" I speak into my cell phone.

"Hey Lia, how was your day?" Liam asked nonchalantly.

"School." I reply as my answer.

"Oh. Yeah." Liam said in an understanding voice. "Want to hang out? I'm in town today. I also have a new buddy I want to introduce you to. How about it?"

I looked at my backpack that was lying open on my bed, and thought of the plethora of homework I had to do before I had my evening with Harry, hesitating to answer Liam back.

"Come on, Lia… Please?" Liam pleaded, sensing my hesitance.

"Fine." I resigned, turning away from the pile of homework before I changed my mind. I was going to fail my final year if this kept up, but I had already accepted, and I didn't feel like doing it in the first place.

"Great, be there in five." Liam said, and hung up.

Ten minutes later, a Liam Payne showed up at my door step, with Zayn and their new buddy Liam had mentioned. I noticed Zayn looked a little awkward, and I realized that was perhaps of how I practically flipped out last night after the phone call he took. But as soon as an apology was about to rush out of my mouth, Liam introduced me to his friend.

"Amelia, this is Rory Lancaster, Rory, Amelia Schaller."

I smiled at Rory, a tall, thin and lanky boy who wore black rectangular glasses. His hair was red, but it was obviously dyed, because the color was vibrant and unnatural. However, it suited his entire hipster/punk look. Rory extended his hand to me and I took it and shook the hand, making sure my grip was tight and secure, because there was nothing more disappointing than a weak handshake.

"Nice to meet you, Amelia." Rory spoke. His voice had a sort of velvety texture to it which I immediately took a liking to.

"Nice to meet you as well." I replied cheerfully, smiling at him once more.

"Rory graduated from Cambridge last fall. He's now training to be a psychologist." Liam informed me, his vocal inflections dictating that Liam was very proud of his friend.

"Wow, that's awesome! Congratulations!" I said. Rory nodded in thanks and I turned to Liam and Zayn. "So what are we doing?"

"Want to catch a bite to eat?" Liam suggested.

I was hungry, so I agreed, and went in my room to fetch my purse, leaving the three men by the door until I returned. Once I had everything I needed I locked my door and followed Liam, Rory, and Zayn down the stairs.

"Oh, Zayn," I said to the black haired man in front of me. Zayn turned around while climbing down the stairs. "I'm really sorry about last night… I overreacted. I know now it wasn't Harry… I'm really sorry."

Zayn seemed mildly surprised but he accepted my apology anyways, and I felt instantly relieved that everything was better again. We got in Liam's car, and drove for about fifteen minutes, making small talk about what I did, my friends, Rory's friends, his job, and things of that nature. We finally stopped at a casual French Café and decided to eat there.

We made more small talk there, occasionally laughing at stories of Liam and Zayn and some stupidities they've done during their college days, although they've only been out for a year. It was mostly entertaining, and helped keep my mind off school and homework, but never Harry. Harry was always on my mind. I kept repeatedly checking my cell phone for the time and any possible messages or calls for him. Nothing could keep my mind of that coming evening. After the thirtieth time of checking my phone in the middle of conversation, the time was 5:47 which was what I considered an evening time.

"It's almost six O'clock, I should get going guys." I announced during a break in conversation in which Zayn was telling a story about his girlfriend, Perrie.

"Really?" Liam replied, a bit surprised. "Come on, it's Thursday, you don't have morning classes tomorrow."

"I know, but I'm meeting up with Harry sometime tonight and I've got to be home." I said casually, gathering my things.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the three guys and I paused, confused. Liam was fiddling with his fingers on his lap, Zayn appeared to be focused on something in the distance, and Rory was giving me the most concentrated, calculating look.

"What?" I asked, uneasy.

"Nothing, Amelia." Rory replied easily, smoothly. The calculating look still wasn't wiped from his features however, and even his voice had a sort of an almost manipulating lilt to it. "Come on Liam, Zayn, let's bring Amelia home."

The four of us simultaneously rose from our chairs at the same time, throwing away the food and wrappers we had not finished, and getting into Liam's car. I hadn't felt so awkward in my life, but I hadn't done anything wrong.

"So Amelia," Rory began, and I quickly corrected my name to Amy. "Amy." Rory repeated, correcting himself. "So how long have you known Harry?"

"Since my sophomore year of college, when I attended Manhattan School of Music, in America." I replied. "He was in the study abroad program, then in his junior year."

"Wow so you lived in America." Rory said, genuinely surprised. "When did you move here?"

"Well my junior year, and Harry's senior year, I did the study abroad program and studied here. And then this year I applied again so I am doing the same thing. Harry's obviously out of the university now." I told him, turning my head to look out the window at the roads and trees and buildings passing by me.

"So you guys are dating, I understand?" Rory questioned. I began to feel slightly on edge, because Rory sounded a lot like a psychologist. But I figured that perhaps that's what all psychology majors sounded like, and so I brushed it off.

"Yeah. We have been since I first came here last year. It's been two years and five months now." I replied, watching a woman pass by the car window.

"Sounds like you guys must really like each other." Rory commented.

I simply nodded, but internally thinking correcting the word 'like' to 'love'.

When we arrived to my place, I quickly got out, said my goodbyes to each person, and ran up the steps with the hopes of seeing a curly haired, green eyed boy in my apartment.

"Harry!" I exclaimed upon opening my door and seeing the one person I craved to be with more than anything. I ran to him and jumped right on his lap, straddling him and impeding a reply from him by molding my lips onto his in a passionate kiss. His lips were softer than I anticipated, and he tasted so sweet and intoxicating, I had to peel myself away with the most strength I could muster.

"I missed you." Were the first words he said to me, giving me a small kiss upon my lips once more.

"Me too. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad you made time for me." I said hastily, climbing off his lap and sitting down beside him.

"Me too, babe." He said, turning his body toward me so that it forced me to lie down on the sofa. He followed, lying on top of me and pressing his body against mine, trapping me once more in his sweet, addictive kisses.

We spent the entire evening that way, meshed together into one on the sofa, kissing, hugging, running our fingers through each other's hair, and watching cartoons on the television, until Harry had to leave me once more.

**Day: 13 Week: 01**

I woke up to the sound of rain outside my window. I was on the sofa, lying in the same spot I had been when Harry left last night. It was 10:30AM, approximately two hours before my first class started. Although I felt weary and tired, I decided to get up anyways and perhaps try and get my homework done.

In the middle of my music theory homework, my phone began to alert me to the fact I had a text message, and I rushed to open it, thinking it might have been Harry. To my slight disappointment, it was Ellen, asking if she could borrow some clothes for today. I replied in the affirmative, and in about two minutes I heard a knock at my door. Sometimes I became annoyed at the fact that Ellen lived across the street.

I walked to the door and opened it, and beheld Ellen, her face brightly shining up at me with her charismatic smile, holding a rose.

"It was so pretty I had to pick it." She said. "Found them right outside my building." She allowed herself in and began hunting for a container and pouring water into it, but I no longer was paying attention.

_It was April 9__th__, 2011. I had just finished doing a final sweep of my apartment to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything for school. I had my bag, my books, homework done, pens, pencils, car keys, apartment keys, lunch, jacket, hat… I was all set to go. I opened the door and lifted my left foot to walk out but I stopped short, because there was a bundle of red and green on the floor right outside my door. _

_Upon inspection I saw they were roses. And not just any roses, but the most freshly picked beautiful and vibrant red roses I had ever laid eyes on. _

"_Oh!" I said, half sighing the word. They were so beautiful I could not help but admire them. I picked them up, and saw there were two lists attached: Fifty Reasons to Date Me, and One Hundred Reasons Why I Want to Date You. _

_I still had a few minutes before I had to leave, so I decided to reenter my apartment and read the lists, having a vague and sneaking suspicion that Harry Styles was behind this. I read some from Fifty Reasons to Date Me, which read:_

_1. I am a gentleman, and I will always treat you with respect._

_2. I can cook and take you out for wonderful evenings._

_3. I will listen to you whenever you're having a bad day, or any kind of day._

_4. I will be your shoulder to cry on._

_5. I can make you happy…_

_The list included very sweet things, and some were funny, like reason number 23:_

_23. I am the handsomest man to grace planet Earth (don't deny it) _

_And reason 44:_

_44. I bought you a necklace. You kind of owe me. _

_I personally loved the last one, reason 50:_

_50. I love you. With all my heart and soul, and I have never or will never feel the same about anyone. _

_I put down the list, pausing in awe for a few moments at what I had just read. At the bottom, the note was signed by Harry himself, and I couldn't help thinking that he was quite possibly the sweetest, handsomest man to ever grace planet Earth. I moved on to the next, One Hundred Reasons Why I Want to Date You:_

_1. You are hands down the most interesting girl I have ever met._

_2. You're passionate._

_3. I love the look in your eyes when you're animated_

_4. I could watch you for hours, just mesmerized by your facial expressions and how they change. _

_5. You understand me more than anyone else._

_6. You blush. It's beautiful. _

_Harry also got comical with it, reminding me of our first hang out together in that New York City club:_

_49. That red dress was… delightfully intoxicating. _

_67. I don't want any other scummy guys trying to pick you up. You're too precious. _

_I laughed after reading reason 67, remembering that night, and the creepy guy at the club, but most of all how jealous Harry was. I read every single one, giggling at some, laughing at others, and blushing at most of them. Again my favorite was the last, reason number 100:_

_100. You. I love you. _

_I then got a vase for my roses, which smelled as good as they looked, possibly even more. Then I put both lists up on my refrigerator door, so that they were always visible, and I could read them on a bad day. Then I once again took one last sweeping look at my apartment, and climbed down the stairs. _

"_So what will it be?" A deep voice spoke from in front of me. I had been looking at the ground, already nostalgic about the list upstairs, that I almost didn't notice Harry leaning casually against his car, appraising me with his calm, loving green eyes. _

"_Yes!" I said, running up to him and almost knocking him over with the force of my body. I embraced him in a tight embrace, and he hugged me back, putting his head in the crook of my neck. It was all I could tell him despite everything I wanted to say. _

"_Would you like a ride to school, newest girlfriend of Harry Styles?" Harry said, speaking of himself in the third person. _

_I felt myself blush like crazy, and that reminded me of the list. I nodded, and he opened the car door for me (Which was reason 33 on his Fifty Reasons to Date Me) and we drove off, happier than ever._

"Can I leave this rose here with you?" Ellen asked when she was done.

"Yeah, sure." I said casually, my eyes surveying my fridge. I wondered where the lists went. They were no longer on my fridge.


	8. Chapter 7

_Amelia _Chapter Seven

**Day: 15 Week: 02**

"So how's life, Amy?" Rory asked, as we casually walked along a path in the middle of a park. It was Friday evening, and Zayn had asked me to hang out with him and Rory. We had also just gotten out of a movie, an action packed comedy that had greatly amused me, and when that was over Zayn insisted that we walk around town.

"It's going well…" I said, sounding unsure of myself. Rory was still a stranger to me in many ways, and I wasn't about to disclose all of my worries to someone I had only met once before.

"I would think different by the way you just spoke." Rory stated lightly and casually. He seemed very observant when it came to me, and it sometimes made me feel uncomfortable. I was pretty sure that he only did that whenever we had a conversation between the both of us, and this was one of those times. Zayn had gone off somewhere, he did not say, but he planned to catch up with us in twenty minutes.

"Well, just school. You know how it is." I replied, knowing full well that was not the reason why I was sad and down lately. The reason was obviously Harry, but I would not mention it.

"I understand." He replied, as we followed the path around a bend which took us to a small pond. "It's just a matter of organization and self-discipline I guess. I had a lot of problems with that." He said. Rory suddenly stopped. "Oh shit." He muttered.

Confused, I stopped as well and watched him as he stuck his hands out, palm side up, apparently feeling for something. Soon I finally understood, as I felt rain drops on my scalp, nose, and shoulders. It was slow at first, but I could tell it was going to pour soon.

Sure enough, not three seconds later rain dropped down like a torrent of bullets speeding toward Earth, and everyone around the park pulled their umbrellas or ran for cover.

"I came prepared when I checked the weather!" Rory said, quickly pulling out his large black umbrella and beckoning me under.

"No thanks," I said simply. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure Amy? You're gonna get soaked!"

"_Are you sure, Harry? We're gonna get soaked!" I said to the stubborn curly haired boy, who was looking excitedly out of my apartment window. _

"_Yes. It will be fun. Come on!" _

"_Harry I don't-" But he had already grabbed my hand and before I could protest anymore I was already halfway down the steps and out of the main door. I didn't even get to put my rain boots on. _

_I gasped as the cold rain hit my skin, and instinctively balled my hands into fists and shrug my shoulders to stay warm. Harry only laughed, placing his hands out to feel the rain. I watched the drops of water roll off his skin and make his hair dark and flat. _

"_Come on… loosen up." He pleaded and I gave him a stubborn look which clearly said I would stay where I was. But that only made Harry run up to me and jump in a puddle right by my feet. "Harry you absolute arse!" I yelled, too surprised to be actually angry. I felt the water soak through my shoes and my socks and my toes immediately felt cold._

"_Oh arse!" Harry mimicked, making his voice higher and more feminine. "Look I'm Amelia Schaller and I'm an American look at me, look at how I use English slang!" _

_Frustrated, I walked right up to him and kicked a puddle of water onto his knees. I really found his mocking amusing, but for my sake I could not let it show. Harry feigned a facial expression that was both surprised and hurt, and I laughed in turn. _

"_Oh you'll get it now!" Harry said, kicking puddles repeatedly toward me. I did the same back at him, both of us getting completely soaked. We didn't care much about the rain anymore. _

_I let out a scream of frustration, kicking a puddle to his ankles and missing, only to be laughed at by Harry. He jumped on a puddle next to my feet, but I successfully dodged it. _

_And so Harry and I engaged in a fierce puddle war, with neither of us winning or losing. And when we got tired I suggested a cease fire and an armistice, to which I stuck out my hand, intending for Harry to shake it so we could both be even and go inside, but instead of shaking my hand he grabbed onto it and pulled me to his wet body, and leaned down, for a kiss, his soaked, flat, dripping wet hair dropping water down onto my forehead. _

_I had never kissed in the rain before, and suddenly I felt as if I were in one of those romantic chick flick movies. But it was a nice feeling. I enjoyed his sweet wet lips against mine, moving in total synchronization. The kiss itself was not rough, and not sweet. It was somewhere in between, and just perfect. I rested my cold, shivering hands on his wet chest, feeling his heart racing madly. I felt his hands encircle my waist pulling him closer, and the rain beating heavily against my eyelids. It was a moment that I never wanted to forget. We pulled apart for air, but he didn't let go. Instead he rested his forehead on mine, and we stayed that way for a few moments, silently enjoying the rain, and the tingle of our lips. _

_Rain had never been so enticing and fun. _

Rory and I stood there for a few moments, or rather I did. I was not focused on what the outside world held, but instead I was focused on a memory of mine. I wished to have Harry at that precise moment, because I yearned to feel the rain with him right then. My eyes unconsciously scanned for him among the people, and also for puddles on the ground. In my mind I pictured Harry and I hand in hand, stomping on puddles, and waging war on each other, and then wrapping it up with a sweet kiss.

It was times like these where I wondered where he was, and why he hadn't bothered to keep in touch over the last several days. Was he really that busy?

As soon as the rain had started, it stopped. A part of me immediately wished I had gone under Rory's umbrella, for I hated the feeling of being soaked, but the other part of me wanted to be wet because I could then somehow relive that memory of Harry and I in the rain.

"Well that was quick." Rory said, snapping me out of my thoughts and back into present reality.

"Yeah, it was." I said. "Look there's Zayn." I said, spotting the familiar black quiff among the crowd.

"Watcha got there mate?" Rory asked as soon as Zayn was close enough to hear us.

"Uh, just picked up a puppy from the pet shop man." He replied casually, gesturing to a cage he held. "For Perrie." He added, answering the question I was going to ask him. I suddenly felt a bit jealous for Perrie. Not because I had any feelings for Zayn, but because she had a boyfriend who paid attention to her, and even took the time to get her things when he couldn't be there with her. All Harry had been leaving me with lately were doubts.

**Day: 17 Week: 02**

"I just don't know what's going on." I told Ellen on the phone. I was simply lying on the sofa in one of Harry's old shirts, eating from an ice cream carton. "Sometimes, he comes to see me. Mainly at night. A couple days ago we hung out. But that's it. He doesn't text me, or call me, or keep in touch or anything. Last time things were this distant, he at least sent me a call, and hung out with me a little more often. It's like he's trying to get rid of me. And last time I confronted him about it, he said he didn't want to break up, but I still have my doubts. I just don't know what to do. I love him, but if this continues… I… I don't know."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say." Ellen replied after a long break of silence. Her voice sounded sad, and a bit monotone, and I was a bit taken aback by the fact that she didn't sound like she genuinely cared. Ellen usually at least sounded concerned.

"I wish things were back to how they used to be. I really do miss him. I don't want to break things off. I won't. But I just… I'm always reminded of him too and it's hard!"

There was a few moments' pause.

"Yeah… I understand. I'm sorry." Ellen said. "Listen I have to go, talk to you later."

"Okay… bye." I said, taken aback by the sudden announcement.

I used to be able to talk to Ellen about these things. It seemed like the world was trying to shut me out one person at a time. Who was next?


	9. Chapter 8

_Amelia _Chapter Eight

**Day: 19 Week: 02**

I could really feel the loneliness and isolation getting to me. At first it was easy to ignore, and push away, like an inedible dessert you were too full and disgusted to eat. Now it was harder. I knew the fact that I hadn't seen or heard from Harry in five days was the main cause of these feelings. Was I being silly? Or clingy? Was it just me, or was everyone growing distant, and farther and farther away from me?

I texted Harry for the sixth time that day, inquiring about his whereabouts. I didn't expect an answer this time. I knew better. So I locked my phone and placed it far from me, and settled into the sofa once more with a bowl of cookies and cream ice cream.

"Just you and me tonight." I muttered to no one in particular as I grabbed the remote from my side and turned on the television. It was nights like those I wished Harry were there.

"_I miss you, love." Harry told me over the phone. I smiled to myself, enjoying his voice. _

"_I miss you too. I wish you were here." I replied, watching the movie playing on my television but not really paying attention to it. It was almost midnight on a Saturday, and I was snuggled up in blankets and watching a romantic comedy. _

"_I'm closing down the shop tonight; maybe after I'm done I could come over?" Harry suggested. He was always working in his record store his father owned. He wanted to one day take owner ship of it, and since his father was due to retire in almost a year; Harry was learning everything there was to know so he was prepared when the day came. I loved that he was doing it, but it often took a lot of quality time away from us._

"_Yes please. That would be lovely. Want to stop by the store and get some snacks too?" I asked, putting on my best hopeful voice. I always asked Harry for stuff, and he always complained, unless I asked in a very cute and hopeful manner. _

_There was a sigh from the other end, and I smiled because I knew he had caved. _

"_Yes dear." _

"_Okay see you in a bit."_

"_Okay, I love you."_

"_Love you too." _

_Harry hung up. _

_A half hour later I found a handsome curly haired boy at my door, holding bags of popcorn and various other junk food, flashing his dimples in a cheesy smile. I couldn't help giggling at the sight of him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a deep, long, kiss. During the process he dropped the bags of snacks and stepped forward to shut the door behind him, bringing me with him. He circled his long arms around my waist and tugged my body to him, and immediately I felt warm and peaceful. One hand felt its way onto his hair, feeling his soft curls between my fingers, while the other went the opposite way, to rest on his chest. _

_We broke apart, and I found Harry biting his lip, looking at me with hungry eyes. I winked at him seductively just to tease him and Harry shook his head, blushing, trying to cover the front of his pants with his large hands. _

"_Let's open the popcorn. I paused the movie as well." I said, making my way to the sofa, grabbing my blue blanket and getting under it. Harry bent down to retrieve the dropped snack bags and made his way over to me, opening the bag of popcorn and grabbing the blanket so he could get under. I shifted my position so the blanket was over both of us equally, and we arranged ourselves on the sofa so that we could cuddle and watch the movie in peace. We sat side by side, Harry's arm around my waist, with the popcorn bag in between us. Periodically I noticed Harry turn to look at me, or felt his gaze on me, and sometimes I would turn toward him to give him a questioning look, which for some reason was amusing to him. I could feel almost an electric current between us, filled with sexual tension. I decided that instead of making a move I would wait and see how long it took Harry to give in and ensnare me in kisses. _

_Near the end of the movie the tension reached its peak apparently, because Harry suddenly turned his body toward me, trapping me under him while growling, "All right that's it!" _

_I let out a laugh, which took him aback, and made him pause for a moment. I could see his questioning look and his arched eyebrow through the small amount of light the television was emitting. _

"_Oh you find this funny, Amy?" He said threateningly, and I laughed once more, taunting him. Immediately my laughs became louder and genuine due to Harry's fingers on my ribs, tickling them without mercy. _

"_Harry! No—Stop—HAHAHAHA—Harry—Har—HAHAH—" I said in between gasps of air and fits of laughter. Harry did not stop. Instead he tickled harder still, with more determination. I tried to shake him off me, but he had me trapped between his legs and his strength was no match for mine. "Wait—HAHAH—the—thepopcornharryyouknockeditover—" I said, saying the last bit as fast as I possibly could in one breath. Mercifully, Harry paused, but only to look at the mess of popcorn on my floor. There was popcorn everywhere, and the bag lay empty several inches from the sofa. Harry extended an arm to retrieve a popcorn kernel from the floor. _

"_Boop." He said, as he threw the kernel at me and it landed square on my forehead. I gave him a look of mock anger and he repeated the same action. "Boop." He said. _

_Quickly, I used the element of surprise to force myself up and fall off the sofa, taking Harry with me. I grabbed several popcorn pieces and threw them toward him, with a vocal 'boop' for effect. _

_And so the popcorn fight began. Each of us grabbed popcorn on the floor and began to throw it at each other, saying "Boop!" whenever it landed on our opponent. With each throw, the popcorn broke and became smaller and smaller and harder to pick up, and more annoying to take out of clothing, hair, and the carpet I had under the table. But it didn't matter. What mattered was beating each other at our own game. _

_I grabbed a handful of small broken popcorn and threw it onto Harry's hair and rubbed it in yelling, "BOOP!" Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I had immediately gone too far. It became evident when Harry tackled me onto the ground, grabbing popcorn from somewhere to my right, and dropping it down my shirt and rubbing it my hair despite all the attempts I made at preventing him from doing so. Then, he lowered himself closer to me, his lips by my ear, and in a very seductive, deep voice that could probably have gotten me pregnant, he whispered, "Boop." _

_The popcorn fight no longer mattered to me after that. I took his face and moved it so that his lips were over mine, and then I crashed his face onto mine, trapping him in a lustful kiss. Harry sighed into the kiss which turned me on incredibly. His hands were all over me—waist, hair, arms, thighs, chest, stomach. He pressed himself against me, settling in between my legs, and I in turn wrapped my legs behind his back while my arms explored his popcorn infested hair, neck, shoulder blades, and back. Whenever Harry's tongue swept mine passionately, my fingers would instantly curl into his back, which made him press against me harder. Harry broke away from the kiss to catch his breath, and instead busied himself with biting along my collarbone and neck, which drove me insane. I let out a small gasp and a blissful moan, to which he responded with a small growl. I had never experienced such a wild and ferocious Harry in my life, and it scared me how much I enjoyed it. I found my body and mind craving every little thing he did, wanting him closer, and his hands in more intimate places. _

_I rolled him over and straddled Harry, watching him for a few moments and then kissing him once more, feeling the sweet texture of his lips and the dominance of his tongue. His hands fisted my hair, pushing my face closer, and turning my face to deepen the kiss. Once he got what he wanted his hands roamed freely across my back and down to my behind. I grinded myself against him, feeling him growing beneath me, and I pressed myself closer. He was at that moment not only something I craved, but something I needed, every minute of the day. Harry Styles was oxygen to me. _

_Sometime during our heated session things became less lustful and more loving, and tender. His hands became peaceful against my skin, exploring little by little. The kisses became tender and more careful, as if savoring the last delicious bit of desert one knows they will never eat again for a while. Then, we broke away from the kiss, our faces remaining close. I stared into his bright eyes, which almost glowed in the dark with the reflection of the television light. _

"_Boop." Harry said just barely above a whisper as he grabbed a piece of popcorn from my hair and examined it briefly before tossing it to the side. _

_And then I launched myself at him once more. _

I woke up with a start, not having realized I fell asleep. The movie was no longer playing; instead, another show had taken its place. I quickly looked at the clock which read 2:35AM and I got up, taking my blanket with me and shutting the TV off. I checked my phone for any sign of life from Harry, but as expected there weren't any. Then I made my way into my room, feeling my way in the dark.

Inside, I turned on my small beside lamp which lay on my night stand and turned to my closet to grab my pajamas, which was just Harry's old Ramones's tee shirt. I put it on and felt for my heart shaped necklace, pulling it out from under the shirt and got into bed. I reached a hand over to shut off the lamp, but I paused because my eyes spotted the knocked down picture frame. I stared at it for a few seconds, because I was fairly sure Harry had flipped it over when he last visited after Zayn made that phone call, but perhaps I only thought he did. I grabbed it and flipped it back over, admiring the picture for a few seconds.

It was one of my favorites, one with Harry and I. Our side profiles could be seen but only the shoulders and up. We were lying down, facing each other, snuggled up in blankets on a concrete floor. I smiled to myself, because I still remembered that night. I looked at Harry, frozen in time by the picture, his eyes soft as they looked into mine, his iconic dimpled smile flashing on his face. I too, looked the same, looking onto his face with a tender loving expression. I wondered if I looked like that every time I saw him. I hope I did. There was never a night quite like that one.

"_Let's do something we've never done before." Harry had said to me immediately after entering his apartment on a warm, Friday summer night. _

_And that's basically how I found myself on Harry's roof, with a plethora of blankets. It was slightly chilly, but the stars were out, and there was a clear sky. It was nearly three in the morning, so most of the lights in the suburban buildings were out, giving us a clear view of the stars. Harry lived on the sixth floor of his ten floor apartment building which stood high among the other buildings which were about seven floors. It gave me a sense of closeness with the stars. I almost felt like I was in the sky with them, yet they were so far away. _

_Harry and I put two thick, gray, bed comforters in the center of the roof floor which was flat except for a few pipes and chimneys sticking out of some random places, as well as a trap door on the floor from which we had come. We lay down on these comforters, gathering close to stay warm, and then covered ourselves with the remaining blankets which were many. Harry and I were down on our backs, shoulders and arms touching. I felt Harry's fingers search out mine and I opened my hand to let him hold it. Such a simple gesture brought warmth to my heart. It was often the simple things that made one feel loved. _

"_There's so many." Harry stated. I was silent for a while, focused on the many white dots in the night sky. _

"_I feel so small. All of those could be planets with people just like us, you never know. They're so far away." I muttered, watching my breath condense right before my eyes into a light mist. Then I watched my breath fade to the color of the atmosphere. _

"_It doesn't make me wonder about what's out there, looking at the sky. It actually makes me realize how precious life is here."_

"_Really?" I turned to Harry briefly and he turned to me, and then we both turned back to the sky._

"_Yeah. Because, these stars, sometimes they're here, and ten years from now they aren't. You never know which one's going to go out. And if our star should go out, what then? It could happen at any moment. The sun might not rise tomorrow." Harry spoke with much wisdom that I was surprised that it came from a twenty one year old college senior, rather than someone like Yoda. _

"_Never thought of it that way." I said, lost in thought. What if the world were to end? "I'd be sad if my life ended so soon." I added._

"_If you'll be sad it means you aren't living life to its fullest now." Harry again said with wisdom and knowledge. I however, had different thoughts._

"_Well there are some things I can't do now. Like start a family. Get married. Have children." _

"_True." Harry agreed. "You're right." _

"_Always am." I replied jokingly. _

"_Well Amelia Schaller, if the world were to end in let's say an hour, and you couldn't do all those things, the least you could do is tell someone about them." Harry said, tracing his thumb along my hand under the blankets. _

"_Yeah?" I said, turning my head toward him. _

"_Yeah." Harry stated, facing me. I turned my body on its side, so I was facing Harry and not the stars. He did the same, letting go of my hand to get comfortable. I scooted closer to him to make up for the loss of contact. "What does the future look like for you?" Harry prompted. _

"_Well," I began pensively. "I'd like to be a music teacher, and perhaps teach around the world. I'd travel to as many places as I possibly could, and have a wonderful husband. Eventually I'd have maybe two, three kids. I'd name them… Diana if it's a girl and maybe Jack if it's a boy. And I don't know… I'd live my life out I guess." I finished. _

"_Wonderful names. I like those." Harry commented, and then silently studied my eyes and face for a few moments. I felt so exposed, but something told me not to hide, and ruin the intimate moment. _

"_Your turn Harry Styles." I prompted him, to which he sighed. _

"_I'm not going to lie; when I see the future… you're the only thing I see." He said, and I blushed. Harry's eyes diverted from my face for a few seconds, presumably embarrassed by his comment. I noted that I should have felt slightly weird, but oddly enough I did not. I felt that he was right. And if I imagined my future with little Diana and Jack, Harry was definitely included. "I see you in a white dress, I see myself feeling your baby bump…" Harry continued with a soft voice that could soothe the roughest fibers. As he said these things, I also pictured them, and it gave me warm feelings and happiness. I pictured him wearing a black tuxedo, with that dimpled smile of his and his green eyes, lit up like small stars in his eyes. _

"_Go on." I said, which made Harry chuckle. _

"_I see family dinners and vacations, holding our little girl for the first time, feeling like the best father and husband in the world… I see myself happy, because I get to wake up to you in the morning, and fall asleep with you at night." Harry replied. "You're smiling like an idiot, Amy." He pointed out. _

_I felt the blood rush to my cheeks at the realization that I in fact had been smiling like the biggest idiot. I had not even been aware I was doing it. _

"_I don't want the world to end." I whispered, which was my way of telling him that I wanted all these things and more. Harry's eyes regarded me with the utmost tenderness and passion, and I saw his green eyes flicker from mine to my lips, while he shook his head._

"_I don't want it to end either." He whispered back. I pushed my lips toward his and gave him a soft peck on the lips, and then we both turned back to the stars, the world, and watched them in silence._

_We began talking about our families, and what they were like, as well as funny memories with them. I knew a fair amount about Harry's father, but for the first time I learned that Harry's mother had died when he was born. I've always wondered about her, but never asked. I supposed it was just one of those private things. He told me about how his dad had raised him mainly, and taught him everything he knew. His father never had the heart to remarry. He told me about an occasion when he went fishing with his dad and Harry had caught such a huge fish, that he had lost control and somehow flipped their tiny boat over. _

_I told him about my mother and father, how my father was an English Literature teacher in a New York City high school, and my mother was an insurance agent. I told him that I had been raised my whole life on music, because they both played in a jazz band and various other quartets around the city, and how my father had taught me to write and express myself through poetry. I told him about how during my first flute recital I had gotten so nervous I threw up back stage and cried in the middle of my solo. _

_It was nice to tell someone these things. To have someone know everything about you, and in turn you know everything about them. Eventually, we shifted from our family and changed the subject to ourselves, and more light hearted topics. I discovered Harry's complete love for puns and knock-knock jokes, which I was aware of, but hadn't recognized its true extent. I found him really quite adorable when he told them, and so I laughed at every one, though he thought he was truly hilarious. _

"_I bet we look really adorable right now." I said suddenly. We were once again facing each other like we had been. _

"_I bet we do." Harry replied in a ponderous tone. He took out his phone, and put the camera on. "Let's remember this glorious moment, shall we?" _

"_We shall." I said. We began taking pictures, first facing the camera and making goofy pictures, then kissing each other, and simply looking into each other's eyes. I truly didn't want the world to end now. _

Realizing I had been looking at the picture for far too long, I turned away from it, wiping tears that had come down my cheeks in the process. Everything was so different now. So cold. It was so unlike him to maintain this distance. Where was he? Why didn't he care? All I wanted was to understand. Where was the Harry that I knew and loved?


	10. Chapter 9

_Amelia _Chapter Nine

**Day: 22 Week: 03**

Niall, Zayn, and Rory were over at my apartment after school. I didn't want them there today, but I had allowed it because Niall pushed so hard. I had a bunch of homework to do, which involved practicing several instruments for a playing test, and also pages of theory and music history. I had tried to ignore them and work on the theory and music history while in their presence, but I found it too distracting. I supposed I needed to do it after they left.

"I haven't met Harry at all yet, Amy. I've met all of his friends except him." Rory commented offhandedly to me while I attempted to figure out how to make up for the lack of practice. A knot rose in my throat however, at the mention of Harry's name and suddenly all my attention was on Rory and what he was saying. I scrambled my brain to figure out something to say without sounding like our relationship had problems.

"Um, well he's been busy. He owns a record store so he doesn't have much free time, and not many employees who could cover for him, so it's tough." I said trying to sound nonchalant. I heard myself speak in a rather strained and clipped tone despite my attempts.

"So you guys are kind of distant you're saying?" Rory pressed.

"Have any food, Amy?" Niall yelled to me from the kitchen, interrupting my conversation.

"Yeah, just look in the fridge." I replied to Niall. Then I turned my attention to Rory. "yeah… I guess." I said hesitantly, questioning why he was even asking me this. I had half a mind to tell this Rory character to mind his own business, but I couldn't find the words. I wasn't a very forward and impolite person.

"When did he start distancing himself from you?" He asked. The way Rory phrased the question made me angry. It sounded as if we were having serious relationship problems, which we were in some ways, but it wasn't any of Rory's business.

"Excuse me?" Was all I could manage to say.

"You know, when did things grow distant?" Rory asked again, slightly rephrasing his question.

"I don't know." I said simply. My voice sounded stressed and hurt. Clearly I did not want to talk about this subject.

"Do you think it's because of his job, or something else?"

"I. DON'T. KNOW. OKAY? Can't you tell I don't want to talk about this?! You have a psychology degree and you can't tell that I am uncomfortable, or that this isn't a subject one talks about?! Not even my own friends badger me as much as you and this is like the fourth time I met you! Why don't you mind your own business?! Me and Harry are fine, we aren't having any problems!" I yelled, feeling my neck strain from the anger. I wanted to cry, but I held my tears. Rory just stayed silent, and gave me a calculating look.

There was an awkward silence in which I stood there, staring Rory down, and no one else said a word.

"I'm gonna go take a smoke." Zayn suddenly announced, heading for the door.

"You're smoking again?" I asked, surprised. Zayn had quit smoking years ago. I wondered when he picked back up on it. I certainly hadn't noticed.

"Yeah. Like three weeks ago. Just helps me deal." Zayn said simply, and walked out.

I wondered what Zayn could possibly be dealing with in his happy, perfect life with Perrie and their new puppy.

**Day: 24 Week: 03**

I woke up with a start, my heart pounding madly. A thin layer of sweat was covering my skin. I had just woken up from a terrible dream, already vague and forgotten with each passing second. All I had to hold on to was the fear, anxiety, and adrenaline that the dream left me with. All I knew was that something terrible had happened, like some sort of fatal accident. Nothing more.

"Shhh, babe, just a dream." Harry's voice soothed me. He lay right next to me, taking me in his arms and holding me, stroking my hair and tucking a few stray strands behind my ears.

"You're here again." I mumbled, half awake, half asleep.

"Yes." I just closed down. I'm here now." Harry said soothingly, comforting my erratic heart.

"Why haven't you texted or called?" I said, nudging my face against his neck, and pulling myself closer to him.

"Babe, my phone got dropped and broke. I have to get a new one."

"You haven't been to see me in so long. I missed you. I thought you didn't want me anymore." I mumbled once more. I wasn't completely aware of what I was saying; I just let the words flow from my lips.

"I know, I know. Trust me I missed you too. I just can never find the time. But I miss you. And I still love you. Every single day I'm away from you I think of you. It drives me crazy but until I can get more people to work for me, it's going to have to be like this for a while."

"Okay." I sighed.

"Okay. Go to bed now, you have school in the morning, love."

"M'kay." I mumbled, and immediately, my eyes fluttered closed. I lay down on the bed, bringing Harry with me. I was completely elated with the fact that he was here, and that he still loved me, but somewhere in the back of my mind I was still distraught at the situation. The last thing I heard Harry say before I fell asleep was that I looked good in his shirt.

**Day: 25 Week: 03**

I come home from school absolutely starving, as I woke up late that morning and forgot to pack myself some lunch. I opened my fridge, thinking idly that I should find those two lists Harry had once asked me out with, and scanned for food. The first thing I noticed was that my fridge was empty, and I dropped my head with an exhausted and defeated sigh. Time to go shopping.

I headed into my room and retrieved my wallet containing my mother's credit card that she had allowed me to use once I was in the study abroad program. She had paid my tuition and board in America, and all I needed was money to spend, which came in the form of her visa credit card. I remembered debating with her whether I should get a job in England or not, but then I thought I should focus on my musical studies than divide my attention between a job and school.

I then put my wallet in my purse and grabbed my keys and jacket on the way out the door. A chilly breeze greeted me once I was outside, and I hugged my jacket closer, buttoning it up. With my keys I unlocked my car, and got inside.

I haven't driven my car in a long time. Once I turned on the engine, an irrational feeling swept over me and for some reason I was scared. I wanted nothing more than to get out of the car and never drive it again.

"Stop, Amelia." I said to myself out loud. "Breathe. It's just a car; I've no reason to feel this way."

Once my mind had some control over those irrational feelings about my car I put it in drive. My stomach dropped and my hands began to shake. I began swallowing hard, and hyperventilating. I put the car in parking mode.

"It's just a car!" I said to myself once more, slapping my hands on the steering wheel. "Seriously what the hell."

I tried to take a deep breath, thinking that maybe I should just have someone else drive me, like Liam, but then I thought that was stupid when I could drive there perfectly sound. I really had no idea why I was feeling this way. It was completely frustrating.

"No. I am driving this fucking car. I am driving it all the way to the store. I will get my fucking food. And I will drive the fuck back." I said, completely angry with myself. I never cursed except in extremely frustrating and stressful situations. This was one.

I then tried a different approach. I decided to pretend that I had never driven before, and so I took things slow and step by step. First I put on my seat belt. Then, I adjusted my seat. Next, I checked all of my mirrors and so on.

"_Okay. Now put the car into drive, keeping your foot on the brake." Harry said to me, with a calm and measured voice. It was spring. We were in a deserted dirt road, in the English country side. Lines of trees outlined the road, making almost a bridge over our heads. But I wasn't focused on that. I was focused on driving the car. _

_I did as Harry told me, and he replied with a "good." And let out a breath he was holding. It wasn't that I've never driven before, I had a little bit, but in New York City one never has much use for it considering the amount of transportation provided. Cars were slower, there. And in England everything was flipped, which became confusing. So I was re-learning, so to speak. _

"_Now carefully lift your foot off the brake, and place it carefully on the accelerator." He said. _

_I lifted my foot and placed it on the correct pedal, but I pushed a bit too hard on the accelerator and the car lurched forward with great speed. Harry let out a yell, and I yelled as well. I quickly took my foot off and slammed it on the brakes, lurching us and the car forward. _

"_SLOWLY, AMELIA!" Harry yelled, catching his breath._

"_I'M SOOOORY! IT WAS MY FIRST TIME." I yelled back, frustrated with his impatience. _

"_Just-be careful." He said after a few seconds. "Okay try again."_

_I repeated the action, this time putting my foot so lightly on the accelerator that the car moved two miles an hour. I looked at him and smiled because I hadn't lurched the car, but Harry gave me an unamused look. _

"_Amy a turtle could beat us at this pace. Come on." _

_I pushed my foot harder on the accelerator, making the car jolt and go forty miles an hour. Surprised, I quickly jammed my foot on the brake, screaming in the process. _

"_AMELIA. SERIOUSLY?!" Harry scolded, completely frustrated with me. _

"_WHAT?! I'M SORRY I'M LEARNING OKAY?!" I said, taking my foot off the brake and onto the accelerator. This time the car went steadily forward at about forty miles an hour. _

"_YEAH BUT—AMY STAY ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE ROAD AMY." _

"_WHAT DOES IT MATTER THERE ARE NO CARS—"_

"_JUST LISTEN TO ME I AM TEACHING YOU GO TO THE LEFT SIDE—KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD DON'T LOOK AT ME!" Harry yelled in frustration, pointing heatedly at the road ahead. _

_Without thinking, I accidentally pushed my foot farther down on the accelerator making the car go faster than I had intended. _

"_SLOW DOWN YOU'RE GONNA LOSE CONTROL AND KILL US WOMAN!" Harry yelled _

"_I CAN'T DO THIS WITH YOU YELLING AT ME I GET NERVOUS AND I MESS UP HARRY SERIOUSLY!" I yelled in my defense, taking my hands off the steering wheel for a mere second in frustration. _

"_AMELIA HANDS ON THE WHEEL—SEE THIS IS WHY I YELL BECAUSE YOU'RE COMPLETELY FRUSTRATING TO WORK WITH YOU DON'T LISTEN—"_

"_IT'S KIND OF HARD WITH SOMEONE YELLING IN YOUR FACE!" _

"_I'M YELLING BECAUSE—what are you doing?" Harry suddenly asked. _

_I had stopped the car, put it in parking, and was taking off my seat belt. _

"_You're a complete ass and I hate you." I said spitefully while opening the car door and getting out. I was completely angry with him. I knew some of it was my fault, I could have done everything better, but I didn't want to admit it to him. I slammed the door and walked off, walking on the right side just to spite him. _

_I heard the car turn on and the engine get closer and closer to me but I looked away from the road and toward the trees that outlined it, crossing my arms for good measure. _

"_Come back in the car, Amelia." Harry said in a reasonable tone. _

_I ignored him. I heard Harry let out a grunt of frustration. _

"_Where do you think you're gonna go anyways?!" He said from inside the car. _

"_Home." I said, even though I knew home was hours away. Still I remained stubborn. "You're driving on the wrong side of the road, you know." _

"_Get back in the car and I'll go to the correct side then."_

"_No."_

"_Amelia, please. Love, you're being an idiot right now." _

"_No." I replied simply, watching the wind move the leaves over my head. _

"_Fine." Harry said, rolling up the window. I heard the car accelerate._

_He wouldn't dare. _

_But he did. And I tried my hardest to look indifferent as the car drove away, growing smaller and smaller. Once the car was out of sight, I stopped, completely taken aback. He wouldn't dare leave me. He probably drove a mile and stopped, waiting for me to pass by and get back in the car in exhaustion. But I wouldn't do that. I would make him come back to me. _

_And so I sat down under a tree, my mind made up as to what I was going to do. _

_I waited hours. The sky had gotten from a bright blue, to a dull pink and purple. Shadows grew larger. A few cars had driven by, some even asked if I needed rides, but I turned them down. I passed the time climbing some trees by the road, exploring the country side that lay beyond them and singing songs to myself. Eventually it grew dark, and I began to doubt whether Harry would come back or not, or even if he stopped by a road. But I calmed my doubts. He's too much of a gentleman to leave his girlfriend in unfamiliar territory. _

_Headlights illuminated the road after fifteen or so minutes, and I smiled, because it was Harry's car. He stopped once he spotted me and lowered his window. _

"_You're a piece of work, you know that?" He said, his face showing relief. I suddenly felt bad, because he probably spent all that time hoping I didn't get kidnapped. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Can you please get in the car so we can go home?" _

_I walked toward the car as an answer to his question, and got in on the passenger side and shut the door. _

"_You are so stubborn." He said, locking the doors. I laughed. _

"_You're a git." _

Comforted by the memory, and calmed by the presence of Harry in my mind, I gathered the courage to drive to the store, get what I needed, and get home. Those feelings of fear of driving were still there, but I calmed them down by thinking of Harry, who was probably working in his store, thinking of me.


	11. Chapter 10

_Amelia _Chapter Ten

**Day: 26 Week: 03**

The clock on my bedside table told me it was two in the morning, and with frustration I turned myself on my bed, facing away from it. I had gotten in bed around eleven, and I couldn't sleep since then. It was just one of those nights. I had tried multiple times to close my eyes, but I could feel them moving about under my eyelids and trying to stay open. Eventually I gave up fighting the feeling of restlessness and just kept my eyes open, facing into the abysmal dark. I let my mind run. I began thinking of my favorite classical pieces, like Rhapsody in Blue by George Gershwin, and trying to picture myself playing it on several instruments, but I couldn't concentrate hard enough on the music taking place in my mind, so I thought of other things.

My mind wandered to the first several months when I had arrived in England. Harry, Niall, Liam, Zayn, Louis and I would hang out nearly every waking hour, whether it was just talking and having a good time, or going to parties and having nerf gun fights in Zayn's apartment. They were good times, but I was sad that all that had changed. Louis hadn't made contact with me in weeks, and apparently he hadn't with the rest of the guys either. I vaguely wondered why. Perhaps I would call him soon. As for Harry… I wondered where he was, and what he was doing. I pictured him in his record store, behind a desk taking care of various bills and papers. Was he thinking of me at this moment? I remembered when we used to hang out every waking hour, watching movies at home or going to parties. Harry seemed to know every party host and when and where they were taking place. After going to so many, even I found them fun.

_Harry led me out of the taxi, grabbing hold of my hand as I trailed behind him. We were both a bit drunk, which was why we took a taxi. He fiddled with the door knob, chuckling to himself, but eventually he opened it, and led me inside his lobby to the elevator to his floor. Taking advantage of the empty elevator, I grabbed his shirt cuff and pulled him toward me for a kiss. He obliged, immediately opening his mouth and letting his tongue explore. I could smell vodka and several other alcohols on his breath, and I vaguely wondered what he smelled on me. The kiss was sloppy and rough, but it was over in a matter of seconds, because the doors opened with the sound of a bell. _

_Harry grabbed my hand again and led me out of the elevator and down the hallway to his door. He let go of my hand and searched his pockets for the keys. Once he found them he fiddled with them, trying to fit them in the keyhole, but due to his drunkenness he couldn't fit them in. After five tries he managed it, and we got through the door and shut it behind us. _

_Immediately I felt him slam me against the wall, pushing himself onto me and drowning me in fervent kisses. I immediately melted into him, letting his hands and body support me, as my hands explored his curls, neck and back. His hands were restless; touching every part of my body with impatience, leaving me heated. His lips moved from mine and instead traveled down my neck, and collarbones, leaving a trail of wet kisses as he went. His lips hit my strapless dress, and his hands immediately searched for the zipper on my back. I sighed, and as he unzipped my black strapless dress he pulled it down to my feet, resuming his kisses all the way down my bra and stomach. With my hands I pulled him back up by his face, smashing his lips in a passionate kiss again, and once I had him there, I began unbuttoning his shirt with drunken inaccuracy. Harry helped me with the remaining three buttons and pulled his shirt off with lightning speed, and I pulled him toward me, completely turned on by his exposed tattoos and bare chest. My lips went right to his neck, biting him right where the neck meets the shoulders, eliciting a feral growl from him. He pushed me harder against the wall and his hands moved down to my thighs, where he pulled them up around his waist. I locked my legs around his back and kissed his lips once more. His hands moved from my thighs to my butt and gave it a squeeze, which made me arch my back in pleasure. _

_I felt him lay me down on his bed, and vaguely in my mind I realized where this was all going, but the alcohol calmed me, and so I didn't seem to mind. He kissed my lips with a sudden softness, and then made his way down, trailing kisses on my chest, my stomach, until his lips found the lining of my underwear. I felt his hands trace up my legs and hook around my underwear, and that's where my mind overcame the drunkenness I was feeling and I opened my eyes wide at the realization of what was happening. _

"_Harry wait—I um." _

_Harry stopped suddenly and looked up at me from between my legs, his green eyes lustful and passionate. _

"_I can stop." He said softly, although regretfully. _

"_Well it's just that I never um…" _

"_It's okay, Amy. Let's stop. Come on, we can fall asleep together." _

_I got out from under him, still in my bra and underwear, and climbed into bed, pulling the covers on top of me. Harry did the same, and grabbed me from the side, pulling me close to him. His warmth radiated onto my skin, and made me feel warmer than the covers ever could. Guilty for ruining his fun, I looked up at him. _

"_I'm sorry." I said, feeling myself blush at the apology. _

"_Love, there's nothing to be sorry for." Harry said, taking his hand and tracing it on my cheek in a soothing manner. "I don't want to pressure you. Whatever you feel comfortable doing is what as far as I want to go. I'm never going to make you do anything. I'm okay with us stopping. Really, I am. Just having you here is enough." _

_I smiled, a warm feeling spreading to my heart. I felt so fortunate to have him, right then. I hugged him, pulling him closer, and resting my head on his chest, letting the alcohol put me to sleep._

I turned around, bothered by the memory I had just remembered. It wasn't a bad one in itself, quite the contrary, but it made me remember better times, and reminded me that there was a hole in my heart. I faced the clock. It was now three in the morning. The light from my clock illuminated the picture of my and Harry, wrapped up in blankets and facing each other with loving expressions. My hands idly search for something on my chest. Once my fingers found it, the heart shaped necklace Harry had once given to me, I played with it a bit, feeling the metal between my skin until I fell asleep.

**Day: 27 Week: 03**

I was tired the rest of the day. I tried my best not to fall asleep in class, although that was unsuccessful. I ended up getting disappointing looks from several of my professors, which made me feel like crap. Once I got home, I immediately dropped my books and lay down on the sofa, waking up three hours later refreshed and completely energized. It was sunset now, and I realized I would probably go to sleep very late again because I wouldn't be tired once it was time for me to go to bed.

The thought of staying up once more triggered something I had thought to myself last night: Louis Tomlinson. It wasn't too late, so I decided to grab my cell phone and give him a call, at least to see he what he was up to.

The phone rang and rang, and eventually it led me to voicemail. Disappointed, I thought of hanging up, but the beep came and I instantly decided to leave a message.

"Hey Lou, it's Amy. Just wondering what you've been up to lately, I haven't heard from you in weeks. If you hear this shoot me a call or whatever. Bye." 

I hung up, a bit sad that I didn't get in touch with him. I wondered if any of the other boys had. It was unlike Louis to be distant from everyone. He was always so full of life, always up to something mischievous, or going to some party. He was always making someone's day better by making them smile, or laugh, even if it was at his expense. Even if he did annoy people, no one could stay mad at him long. It was just one of his charms.

"_Shh. We have to be careful not to wake this wild curly creature." Louis whispered to me. We were in Harry's apartment. We had broken in due to Louis' superb lock picking skills, and decided it would be fun to wake Harry by shooting him with water from our water guns. I chuckled at Louis' mention of the 'wild curly creature' which was Harry. Louis liked to pretend he was some sort of hunter in these situations. _

_We got to Harry's bedroom door, which was closed. Louis and I looked at each other, our water guns at the ready. _

"_We will open on three, and then shoot immediately. Ready… steady… three!" Louis whispered loudly. _

_We carefully opened the door and stepped inside, abandoning all pretense of being quiet, and shot our guns at the mass of sheets on the bed. There was a gasp from the bed, and Harry arose from under the sheets, to be soaked in water. His face was covered in water, and his expression was one of anger and bewilderment. _

"_AHHH LOUIS!" Harry yelled, and got out of bed and ran toward Louis in his briefs. Louis dropped the water gun and ran for it and I stood there, thankful Harry hadn't somehow spotted me. I stayed right where I was, listening to the sounds of screaming and shrieking coming from Louis and the yelling of "YOU FUCKING GIT" from Harry. I laughed, listening, and imagining them fighting. _

_I heard the sound of feet running toward the room and I panicked, but before I could hide, Harry was there, returning only to pick up a water gun, but finding me holding one. _

"_You were in on this too?!" He yelled in surprise._

_I gave him my most innocent look but I was caught red handed. Before I could so much as take a breath Harry was running toward me. He knocked me down on the bed and began tickling me, gun having been dropped in the process. Somehow, Harry had gotten a hold of it and he backed up and aimed it toward me, and before I could protest there was ice cold water soaking through my shirt and my face. _

"_HARRY!" I half laughed, half yelled. _

"_REVENGEEE" He yelled back, turning around and heading for Louis. Two seconds later, I heard Louis shout, _

"_NO MATE, DON'T DO IT!" But by the sounds of Louis' surprised yells I knew he had. _

_I let out another laugh, completely thrilled by the day's adventure, and began going through Harry's closet for a shirt to put on. _

It was Louis who brought the excitement and thrill to everyone's lives. He had changed so much though, it was hard for me to think of him as the same person anymore. I remembered Louis had been that prankster, but he had also been an older brother to me, and to everyone else. He could be mature when he wanted.

"_So… you and Harry eh?" Louis nudged me repeatedly, his tone suggestive. I smiled to myself._

"_Yeah." I said simply. I was very happy about the fact that I was now going out with Harry Styles, but there was something in the back of my mind that I couldn't shake, and it impeded me from jumping for joy at the prospect of my new boyfriend. _

"_Well I hope your intentions are good, don't want you hurting my little boy." Louis said jokingly, as if he were the father talking to his daughter's new date. _

"_I won't." I said. My voice sounded a bit dejected, and I hoped Louis wouldn't pick up on it because I hadn't intended him to sense it. _

"_What's worrying you, geeky?" Louis said, immediately picking up on the very thing I didn't want him to. I smiled as he said my nickname, however. When I first met Louis in person and he found out I was into music and was going to be a music teacher, he began calling me a band geek, and mocking everything a stereotypical band geek does. Eventually he replaced my name with 'band geek' and soon after he just called me a geek, then 'geeky' to 'make it more nicknameish ya know?' Louis had once said. _

"_Nothing, I'm happy." I said a little too quickly, as I tried to get up from his sofa and get some food. I found that Louis' arm was keeping me in place, and I internally groaned. _

"_Just cause you're happy doesn't mean there can't be anything wrong. Now spill." He said, sounding demanding on the last two words. _

"_Well it's just… it's not Harry… he's absolutely wonderful and great, but it's me. Like what if he realizes I'm not interesting, or as great as he thought? What if I let him down? What if I do something wrong? I just don't think I'm good for him I mean, I certainly don't think I'm his type of girl, he usually dates skinny blonds who are the stars of the cheerleading squad, and then there's me. I don't fit his type at all and I'm just scared he will realize that and I won't be able to get over it." As I talked, I felt the problems and worries roll off my tongue, and at the same time it was as if a great burden was lifted off of my chest. I had never confided anything with Louis before, and we had never talked about anything remotely personal, so I was reluctant, and a bit unsure of what to do. But Louis simply sat there, staring at me with pensive eyes, holding his comments until the end. _

"_Silly band geek, you. You just pointed out the reason why Harry likes you. You said it yourself, you aren't his typical type. You aren't blond, or sporty. You're the opposite you have brown wavy hair and you live in the library or practicing your instruments and doing homework. That's why he is so infatuated with you. You're different. And if you've bothered to notice, he's never treated his previous girlfriends like he does you. He never has asked out a girl with a bouquet of roses and two lists. He's never bothered to keep in touch with them through Skype. He saw you were special, and worthwhile. And that's why it's going to work, and that's why he won't leave you. On the contrary, I think the more he knows you the more he will like you." Louis spoke in a consoling brotherly tone. _

_I realized he may be right, and I felt comfort in his words. I simply nodded, and Louis gave me a quick hug, and suggested we invite Liam over and throw food at him to make me feel better. I suggested instead we plot to prank him, which Louis reluctantly accepted only because it wasn't as fun as throwing food at Liam._


	12. Chapter 11

_Amelia _Chapter Eleven

**Day: 29 Week: 04**

I received a text from Liam asking if he could come over with Rory, and I purposefully did not reply because I was still annoyed at Rory for his intrusive questions the last time he was over. After a half hour I got another text from Liam, explaining that Rory wanted to apologize, and that we should all try to be friends. Sighing, I grabbed my phone and texted back a simple 'Okay.'

About a half hour after, there was a knock at my door, and Liam and Rory appeared.

"Listen Amelia, I'm really sorry about the last time I was here. I didn't mean to sound intrusive, I was simply studying relationships and the psychological impact it has on the people involved at my job and since you were in one, naturally I questioned. But I am sorry it took you aback and offended you." Rory said in a mature and measured voice. Liam was looking down at his shoes, both hands in his pockets.

The reason behind his questioning took me by surprise. I had not expected such a reasonable explanation.

"Oh, I didn't know you were doing that, I'm sorry for lashing out at you. But knowing the reasons would have been helpful." I replied, going into the kitchen and grabbing a few sodas.

"Yeah, no I understand." Rory's voice said from behind me. "The study had to be conducted without the people being questioned knowing it was going on so…"

"Oh?" I said disbelievingly.

"Yeah." He affirmed. "Sometimes when someone knows they're taking part in a study they tend to alter their responses to how they feel it would fit the study."

I had nothing to counter his argument with, so I was forced to accept it. I simply did not reply to Rory, and spoke to Liam instead.

"You know I almost called you the other day, Liam." I said, handing him a can of soda. I handed Rory one, but he put a hand up, denying it.

"Yeah?" Liam said, taking a drink.

"Yeah, I was in my car, on my way to get groceries, and it was so weird, I couldn't drive the car almost, I felt so scared." I mentioned, as I put Rory's can of coke back in the fridge. I opened mine and took a sip, aware of the silence that fell. I looked at my guests, in time to see them exchange a few glances.

"You were scared of driving the car?" Liam said, his voice hesitant. I thought I detected a bit of strain as well.

"Yeah, it was the weirdest thing. I almost called you, but I made myself drive to the store because I thought I was being ridiculous. But you should have seen me, I was hyperventilating, and my heart was pounding I nearly shook… it was weird." I took another sip of my coke, remembering the feeling I had in the car with accuracy.

"Maybe because it's been too long since you last drove one." Liam halfheartedly suggested.

"I have no idea." I replied, tossing Liam's suggestion out of the possible things it could have been. Cars don't give one that feeling.

"I met Perrie the other day." Liam said, trying to start a conversation.

"Oh really?" I commented. I had never personally met her, but I had seen her with Zayn once or twice. She seemed nice.

"Yeah she seems quite pleasant, and a little kooky, but nice." Liam said. I became bothered a little bit at the mention of Perrie, not because of anything against her but because she had a relationship in which she saw her boyfriend, Zayn, nearly every day. Why couldn't I have that?

"I've met Perrie too." Rory said, "Seems I've met everyone but Harry. How is he?"

I began to feel closed in, and pressured. Pressure to constantly talk about Harry to Rory, pressure to act happy despite what I was feeling inside.

"He's fine." I replied, almost monotone.

"You guys okay, though?" He asked. I began to be annoyed again, because I had a feeling he was doing his experiment again.

"Yeah. Just busy." I replied.

Rory asked me if it was bothering me that he was busy, or that we didn't meet as much as we used to. He kept asking me what had changed, and since when. I tried not to lash out at him, but suddenly I didn't want to talk about it, but Rory wouldn't stop. Finally, I just couldn't stand it anymore and I began to cry, feeling stupid as I did so.

"He's just busy okay?! He has a huge job to do, so he can't see me as often anymore. But he comes when he can. Nothing's changed. He still loves me, and I love him. He tells me so every time he visits." I cried out. The words I said were more to convince myself, than to convince the others everything was okay. I tried to wipe my tears but too many were flowing. Liam handed me a tissue and I took it, thanking him and apologizing. I really didn't know what was wrong with me. I seemed to be sensitive for no reason.

Rory's face seemed to be frozen in deep concentration, his eyes fixated on me as I dried my tears. I noticed Liam whispering something to him, trying to look nonchalant, but I knew he was whispering about me. When Liam was finished, Rory nodded, still looking at me like I had two heads.

"What are you talking about?" I said defensively. "If you have something to say, I can hear it too. Stop hiding things from me." I was tired of secrets. First it was Zayn's call, with him moving away from me and saying he didn't know how to tell me something, and now this? I felt angry and betrayed, like some sort of social experiment everyone was observing. "I don't understand why you're hiding secrets from me! Why is that necessary!? I thought we were could trust each other with anything!"

"Take it easy, Li, we were just—" Liam began but I interrupted.

"No I will not take it easy Liam! This isn't fair to me! This is just adding to the frustration I feel!" I retorted, fresh tears spilling down my cheeks.

No one spoke for a while. Liam and Rory refused to look me in the eye.

"I want to be alone, I don't feel like being social today." I said, walking away from them. I didn't feel like seeing them out the door. All I wanted was to soothe myself with some music.

I find just who I need in my bedroom, however, so music is not needed.

"How long have you been here?" I told Harry, who was lying down on my bed, with his arms behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

"Not long. I got in a few minutes ago."

"How… I didn't see you come in." I countered.

"Yeah I heard you yelling and thought I shouldn't interrupt. So I came in through your window." Harry said calmly, still facing the ceiling.

"Harry I live on the third floor." I said.

"What's wrong? You've been crying." He told me, finally seeing my face and sitting up on the bed with a look of complete concern. I walked over to him and sat on his lap, putting my arms around his neck and putting my head on his shoulder. Harry stroked my hair with his one hand, while the other rested on my lap.

"I've just been so frustrated lately. This guy Rory keeps asking me about you and it makes me really upset, and Liam and Zayn have definitely been hiding stuff from me, and I feel like it all has to do with you. It would be better if you could just stop by and meet Rory? Then he'll stop asking me? Or come see me more often. I miss you, Harry, I really really do. I don't know if I can deal with this." I said, my feelings pouring out like water.

"Shh. Don't talk like that love. Don't talk that way." Harry said with extreme hurt in his voice. "Listen, I'm going to get more people to work for me, and then I'll have more time. Soon this will be over, and we can be together like we used to be. I'm here now. I love you, Amelia."

"Promise?" I said, tears falling silently now.

"Promise." He replied.

And we stayed there that way, until I fell asleep.

**Day: 30 Week: 04**

I became aware of an arm which was draped across my waist somewhere during the course of my sleep. At first I thought nothing was out of the ordinary, but slowly I began to become conscious of the fact that I hadn't slept woken up with anyone in about a month. I opened my eyes slowly, and saw Harry, peaceful and dreaming in his blissful sleep. I immediately smiled, and my heart skipped a beat. He had finally slept the whole night through with me. For once, he didn't leave for work. For once, I got to see his beautiful face being illuminated by the early morning rays of the warm sun. It was the last time I was truly happy.

I kept still, not wanting to disturb him, and I observed his sleeping features. My eyes observed his eyelashes, how they swept across his pale skin, how there was not a crease in his features, and a hint of a smile on his face. He seemed to be having a good dream. I watched his lips, slightly parted and bright pink, and the way his hair was spread out on the pillow, soft and the color of the richest chocolate brown. He was beautiful, in the purest sense of the word. Angelic, even. The first time I had woken up to his face was the first time his complete and utter beauty hit me. But it never ceased to surprise me.

_We had just gone out to dinner to celebrate my twentieth birthday. I had fought with him during the weeks leading up to my birthday-I had wanted something simple, while he wished to throw me some sort of party to celebrate. Thankfully, he decided to cede to my wishes and took me out to a simple dinner. It had been nice and formal. I had to wear a semi-formal dress, and Harry wore a suit and tie. He reserved seats outside, as it was summer, in an intimate and hidden away corner of the restaurant. The only light we had was the light emitting from the white Christmas lights above our heads and the candle on our table. Harry had been extra polite that dinner as well, pulling out my chair so I could sit, opening the car door for me, and referring to me as darling—something he never calls me. _

_We were on our way up the stairs to my apartment, and I became increasingly nervous because Harry had a suspicious excitement about him. I truly hoped he hadn't arranged a surprise party. But when I opened the door I found it was something better than that. I walked in to find my entire apartment decorated with birthday banners, balloons, streamers, and other things. No one jumped and yelled surprise, except for Harry, who stood in front of me with his arms extended into my living room, with a childlike glee about him as if saying 'look at what I did!' _

"_Did you decorate my apartment, Harry?!" I asked, completely flattered and astonished. My eyes looked around, taking everything in. I felt really appreciative of him. _

"_Well, I made Ellen take you shopping and while you were out I kind of broke in here and decorated. That's why I refused to have you get ready for dinner here." Harry confessed sheepishly. _

_Without hesitating, closed the distance between myself and Harry in three steps, and stood up on my tip toes and kissed him with as much appreciation and passion as I could muster. He kissed me back immediately with what I took as gratitude, moving his hands freely up and down my back, and I melted into his body, sinking into complete bliss. I suddenly felt bold, and completely sure of myself, and I realized that I would like nothing more than to give myself to him. I broke away from the kiss and looked him in the eye, quite breathless. _

"_Make love to me, Harry." I whispered to him, staring at him straight in the eye and biting my lip. I watched his eyes darken with lust and yearning. _

"_Are you sure?" He asked cautiously. Harry's voice was cautious but his body language told me he wanted nothing more than to scoop me up and lay me on my bed. _

"_Now is not the time to be a gentleman, Harry." I said to him, a bit impatient. Without skipping a beat, Harry kissed me hard, moving my arms to his neck and then his hands down to both of my thighs, where he pulled up and hoisted me up onto his hips. I locked my legs around his back, grinding into him eliciting a throaty moan that I felt in his chest. Harry began to move us in the direction of my bed room with a sense of urgency and longing in his step. _

_A pleasant and thrilling shiver went down my spine when Harry's tongue forcefully swept against mine, fighting for dominance. Harry tasted like anything and everything sweet. I could kiss him for hours on end, and if I had my way, I probably would. I heard Harry kick open my door and walk to my bed. There, he lowered my onto my sheets, looking into my eyes with tenderness, as if I were a fragile, breakable thing. I had my hands on his cheeks, hair, and neck, feeling the small muscles move beneath my fingers as he moved closer to place a small kiss upon my lips before breaking away and pulling off his suit jacket and removing his shirt underneath. _

_My eyes appraised his shirtless figure, taking in the tattoos, and sculpted torso, his biceps, and chest. I felt myself blush. Harry moved closer to me, placing a hand behind my back and I felt my dress loosen up. He pushed the fabric down, revealing my black bra. He kissed me once more, this time with more tenderness, and pushed me back so that I lay beneath him. I lifted my hips and he removed my dress, and tossed it onto a heap on the floor along with his clothes. I wasn't nervous yet—I had gone farther than this with Harry—but the knowledge of where this was all going did speed up my heart a little. I spread my legs a bit to allow him to nestle in between them like he had done countless times before, and I kissed him sweetly and deeply, while my hands wandered along his bare chest, down to his abs and belt buckle. I felt his muscles contract under my fingers, and small goosebumps formed where my fingers were. I smiled in my kiss, and Harry did the same, emitting a breathy and throaty laugh which drove me wild. My fingers undid his belt buckle with ease, and I quickly found the zipper and unzipped his pants and shrugged them off, Harry helping me in the process by kicking his pants down to the floor with his feet. With my elbows I pushed myself father into the center of my bed and he followed, hovering closely over me. _

_Balancing himself with one arm, Harry moved his other arm to my bra strap and unhooked it with absolute professionalism. His hand moved back down to the side of me to steady himself and with his mouth he traced down—first my cheek, neck, collarbone, chest—and with his teeth he grabbed my bra, and pulled down, removing it completely. He did this while holding constant and unblinking eye contact, which caused me to feel moist and turned me on incredibly. He then turned his attention to my breasts, kissing them and massaging them, giving them is fullest and undivided attention. During this I would squirm under him with pleasure, and let out whimpers and moans that I could hardly contain. His lips moved back up to my face, but his hands began to move in an opposite direction, down my stomach, and under the fabric of my black underwear. I took in a sharp breath at the feeling of his fingers against my vagina, but immediately adjusted to the feeling, finding it pleasurable. He placed one, two fingers inside of me and I let out a small moan to which he responded by biting my neck and sucking on the skin hard. I arched my back in pleasure, my hands raking against his back and probably leaving marks. He began to move his fingers in and out, thrusting them inside me in rhythmic ecstasy, immediately leaving me breathless. I stared into his green, lustful eyes as he did this, and I enjoyed watching his face, deep in concentration. _

"_You're so fucking beautiful." He practically half growled, half panted. I only replied by biting my lip in an attempt to contain a moan. _

_Harry's fingers were gathering speed, thrusting faster and faster inside of me, which brought me closer and closer over the edge. _

"_I'm so close." I panted, and suddenly Harry adjusted his arm so that his fingers could go deeper, making it more pleasurable. Within seconds I had reached the edge, and I threw my head back, my eyes closed and mouth in the shape of an 'O'. Harry's fingers slowed down, and eventually he took them out, and placed them in his mouth, licking up all the juices with his tongue in a seductive manner, without breaking eye contact with me. I licked my lips in anticipation of what was to come. _

_Harry's hands grabbed the hem of my underwear and pulled, taking them off of me. He then removed his boxers and tossed them to the side, joining the growing pile of clothes. I wasn't looking at anything I hadn't seen before, but this time was different. My heart sped up and my hands began to shake, even though there was not a doubt in my mind this was what I wanted. Harry once again hovered over me, his eyes now guarded and cautious._

"_You sure about this?" He asked me softly, taking with his hand a clump of sweaty hair of mine and sweeping it behind my ear. I nodded, not trusting my voice and fearing it would crack and give me away. Harry kissed me softly, positioning himself at my entrance. I gasped and held my breath a bit as I felt him slide in with ease, and my breath came out as a moan once I exhaled. It was a marvelous feeling, I felt completely full and connected to him in every way possible. Harry stayed still for a moment so that I could adjust to his size, and then began to move inside me, in a very slow and measured pace. Every thrust brought feelings of euphoria through every fiber of my being, and I held on to his broad back for security, and for the ability to pull him closer. The overall effect was a very romantic and tender experience. I felt so loved and flattered by the way he was treating me, and I quite felt like I was in a romantic movie at that point. Every so often I would let out a loud moan, and the room quickly became filled with a chorus of groans, whimpers, and moans, which echoed off the walls and back into our ears. _

"_I love you so much." He told me in one breath, staring into my soul with his deep green eyes. I felt like at that moment I could see his very soul as well. _

"_I love you too." I panted back as his thrusts became faster and more urgent. _

_I arched my back as I came close, and he adjusted his body to get a deeper angle. In a few seconds I moaned his name as I orgasmed, breathless from the impact. Harry kept going a few more thrusts, and soon enough I saw his neck tighten so that I saw his veins, and he let out a throaty groan allowing his full weight to rest on me, completely spent. We stayed that way for what seemed like hours, catching our breath and giving each other butterfly kisses wherever we could. _

_Then we got under the covers and fell asleep until morning. _

_When I woke up I remembered I smiled, remembering the events from the previous night. Harry was fast asleep still, his face covered with relaxed bliss. My fingers traced over his exposed tattoos, tracing each and every single line with carefulness. I was so transfixed on tracing his skin that I did not realize his eyes on me nearly that whole time, and when I looked up my brown eyes met with his green ones, and I smiled sheepishly. _

"_That felt nice." He said, with a throaty and hoarse morning voice. _

_And so Harry closed his eyes once more, and I resumed my tattoo tracing activities. _

**Day: 31 Week: 04**

There were three knocks on my door. I put down the drink I was drinking in my kitchen and went forth to answer it, finding Niall, Liam, Zayn, Rory and Louis on the other side. My jaw dropped. Louis? The fact that Louis was here made me suspicious. Because no one had heard from Louis in forever. Louis had practically fallen off the face of the Earth. If he was here, there was a pretty good reason.

"Amelia," Niall spoke in his Irish accent, his voice strained and worried as he nervously wiped his hands on his jeans. "May we come in?"


	13. Chapter 12

_Amelia _Chapter Twelve

**Day: 31 Week: 04 (continued)**

"Yeah sure, uh, come in." I said awkwardly, feeding off of Niall's worry. I looked at Louis, who was staring at the ground with such intensity that I got the feeling that he did not want to be there. He had let his hair grow out a bit, so that it was a bit scruffy and messy and a bit unkempt. He had stubble on his face. I remembered times when Louis would tell me he would never grow facial hair, because that would make him look more adult-like and he disliked adults. I guess there comes a time when everyone has to grow up. "Hey, Louis." I said to him a bit anxiously, trying my best to sound pleasant and inviting.

Louis only looked up for the span of two seconds, meeting my eyes quickly and giving me a small smile, then returning to staring at his shoes.

"What's going on guys?" I said, trying to sound like nothing was out of the ordinary. Perhaps if I pretended they were all here just to hang out the tension would go away.

"Why don't we all sit down?" Niall suggested, speaking a bit too quickly. I said nothing. Instead, I simply sat on a chair in front of my sofa, and all five of them occupied the sofa in front of me. The seating arrangement made me feel like I was being critiqued or attacked somehow, as if they were all judges for some event and I was the contestant they had to send home.

"So, Amelia." Rory spoke, his tone authoritative and surprisingly calm. He didn't seem nervous or uncomfortable at all. "Zayn, Liam, Niall, Louis, and I are here because we would like to tell you something. It's not easy to say, and it's going to take a lot of explanation, so please bear with us. Okay?"

I looked at each person on the sofa. My eyes skipped from Zayn, to Liam, to Niall, Louis, and finally landed on Rory. My heart was pounding, and I had a bad, nervous feeling in my stomach. I swallowed hard. What was this all about? I was extremely confused. What does this have to do with?

"Wha-okay." I said, unsure of what to say, what to do, or how to act. "What's this all about guys?"

"This is about Harry. It's nothing for you to freak out about; we just want you to hear us out. Okay?" I nodded. It was about Harry. A billion thoughts ran through my head at once, from something as simple as 'he was going to break up with me' to something as ludicrous as 'he ran away and is never coming back.' Rory turned his head to Niall. "Niall?" He said.

Niall closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. Here it came. This was it. This was the moment I would find out what this was all about. My heart pounded madly, and I couldn't breathe properly.

"Amy, we care about you a lot. That's why we couldn't bring ourselves to tell you when we should have. But… but the truth has to come out. Amelia, Harry died in a car accident about a month ago."

Everything was silent. Everything was silent but lips were moving but I couldn't hear. Everything was silent. My eyes were wide. My heart was racing. I thought back to my dream, the one I woke up from with a sense of terror a couple days ago. Or weeks ago. I thought there had been a car accident in my dream. My heart began to hurt. So did my chest. Still I couldn't hear anything. There was a ringing in my ears. The car. I was afraid to drive. The terror of getting in the car. Why? This was why. My hands trembled and suddenly I became afraid, so afraid. Like everyone was out to kill me. Everyone wanted to kill me. What was happening? I screamed. I couldn't hear myself scream and that scared me more. It wasn't true. I saw Harry. I was with Harry. The pain in my chest intensified. My hands trembled, my legs shook. Rory stood up and tried to secure me, grabbing my shoulders and trying to tell me things. I couldn't hear those things. He was trying to kill me, I knew it. I was in danger. I was going to die. I just knew it.

No one seemed to realize the world had gone quiet. I tried to tell them with my silent voice. But they just looked down at their shoes. They didn't see me. They didn't hear me. I was invisible. I was nonexistent. The ringing in my ears became louder. Harry was alive. Harry wasn't dead. It just couldn't be. It couldn't be. It didn't make sense. But it did. It made sense and didn't make sense. How could that be. My chest heaved, and I felt myself pronounce the words "No. No. No." over and over and over again. Rory was trying to get my attention. I did not give it to him. I couldn't control myself. What was I doing. I had no idea. My body had a mind of its own. I felt scared, inside.

"Amelia, love. It's okay. I'm not dead. I'm right here. They're lying." Harry said to my right. He was the only one I heard. He was the only one who saw me, who I paid attention to. My body instantly began to relax. They were wrong. He was here. He was here to prove them wrong. I smiled at Harry. He sat by me, occupying the empty space by my side. "They're lying, love. I'm right here." He said once more. Slowly I began to hear, the ringing in my ears subsided and I heard Rory trying to calm me down. I felt slowly more and more in control of my body.

"Amelia? Amelia, what are you looking at?" Rory asked professionally.

The question struck me as odd, because it was quite obvious as to what I was looking at.

"Harry." I said simply. "He's not dead. He's right here."

Zayn, Liam, Niall and Louis looked up at me and to my right where Harry was. A look of worry spread on all of their faces, and I noticed Louis' face had a twinge of longing to it.

"No one is there, Amelia." Zayn said solemnly. Rory looked at me with intense concern.

"Amelia, Harry is not with us. He is not in this room." Rory told me slowly.

"They're lying." Harry said to me, looking at me intently and pleadingly.

"You're lying." I said, turning to Rory and the rest. They were lying. Harry was right here.

"Amelia, we care about you. We would not lie to you. Harry is not here. Think about it. Why doesn't Harry come see you as often as he used to? Why is he only there with you when you seem to need him the most? Your body has repressed his death, and to cope with it your mind has created a hallucination of Harry, so powerful that it keeps you sane. But you need to stop, now. You need to face the truth, and learn other healthy ways of coping. You cannot live in a lie." Rory explained, sounding very much like a psychologist.

"Don't believe him, Amelia. It's not true. I'm right here, you see me with your own eyes. Don't you believe me?" Harry asked, pleaded even. I looked at him, his green eyes brimming with tears, his soft skin and curly chocolate brown hair.

Before I could say anything, Rory spoke again.

"Amelia, why is it that Harry only talks to you? Why doesn't he talk to us? Why has he only appeared when no one else is with you?" Rory took both of my hands in his, and I noticed Harry scowl. "We know you love Harry. You are so in love with him that you refuse to face this. Instead your mind has built a wall, to repress the memories of his passing away, and created an illusion of him so strong that you now truly believe he is still with us. But he isn't Amelia. Harry wouldn't want this. He would want you to move on, and be happy. He would want to live in your memory, not as a hallucination in your mind. Don't lie to yourself. Let him go. Only keep him in your memory and heart. It's time to let go."

I felt tears spilling down my cheeks. This couldn't be possible. He wasn't dead he was—I looked to my right. Where Harry was supposed to be. He was gone. I looked around the room. Where did he go? Did he leave me? I felt myself panicking once more. My heart sped up, and my palms became sweaty in Rory's hands. Rory's hands moved to my cheeks. His hands felt ice cold.

"Amelia? Amelia. Stay with me Amelia. Focus. Focus on me. Breathe. Breathe…" Rory said. But my world had begun to become silent again, and I could not hear the rest of his words. I could not focus.

My chest hurt, as if there were three tons of pressure on top of it. My hands shook, my legs shook, I felt myself sob and convulse. The world was ending. The stars had gone out. There was no future. No Diana or Jack. Nothing. Just silence and pain. I couldn't control my body. I was shivering and shaking and crying and screaming and screaming but I couldn't hear. Suddenly I knew it was true, all of it.

"_Best birthday party ever." Harry said, holding his coat closer to him. It was dark out, and snowing. We had just left his father's house after a nice family dinner and we were headed back home. I was shivering, and so he wrapped an arm around me to keep me warm until we got to the car._

"_Should I drive?" I suggested, knowing Harry had drank some wine not a long time ago. _

"_Sure, if you can stay on the correct side of the road." He teased, as he threw me the car keys. I caught them with one hand, feeling momentarily surprised and smug with myself for my catching skills. Then I got into the driver's seat, and Harry got in beside me. I turned on the engine and the heat all the way up. We had a two hour drive back home, and it was already close to one in the morning. We could have stayed the night, but Harry decided against it because he had to work the next day early in the morning. _

_I pulled out of the driveway and drove out, and Harry put in our favorite music as we warmed up. It was perfect. Harry and I, alone in the car with miles ahead and nothing to do but to enjoy the road. _

"_You think your dad liked our gift?" I asked him, focusing on the road. The snow was falling lightly, so it was not a problem but I hadn't much experience driving in it. _

"_Are you kidding? His face lit up. Who wouldn't want tickets to Australia?" _

"_Well I don't know if it was a bit much, but I know he was dying to go there… Well I mean he does deserve a break." I said, half thinking aloud to myself. I turned left and took the exit out to the thruway, speeding up. The snow began to fall harder. _

"_Stop questioning yourself. It was great. He loved it." Harry said. The subject was dropped then, and we occupied ourselves by listening to the music. I took one hand off the steering wheel, feeling comfortable enough to drive with one hand. My free hand found Harry's and he held it, moving his thumb along my skin. _

"_Drive carefully, love, slow down. It's snowing pretty hard now." Harry warned me, always looking out for me. I checked my speed and realized I was way over, and slowed down. The snow had indeed picked up. I turned on the windshield wipers to clear away the snow accumulating on my window. The song With or Without You by U2 played through the radio speakers, and Harry and I both sung along. _

"_With or without you… With or without you oh, I can't live, with or without you…" _

_And suddenly everything went out of control. I hadn't seen it coming. A long sheet of black ice had covered the road, making the car spin out of control. As nervous and inexperienced as I was I attempted to regain control of the car and quickly Harry grabbed the steering wheel, letting go of my hand. At that moment, the car spun and sped toward a ditch at eighty miles an hour, flipping us over and nearly throwing us out of the car if it hadn't been for the seat belts. Everything hurt, everything went black. I didn't have time to think or process what had happened. But I knew whose fault it was, and it was mine. _

It all came back to me. I remembered and recalled that event with raw pain. I remembered waking up in the hospital, completely broken physically and mentally. I remembered asking for Harry, and I remembered the painful answers the nurses gave me. And after that I began to deny it. Because if I accepted his death, it was my fault. My vision became spotted and cloudy. I became nervous, uncontrollable. I screamed and once again I couldn't be heard. I saw the boys look away, completely heart broken. I saw Louis get up and leave and Liam follow after him, trying to grab Louis. I couldn't breathe. It was my entire fault. I couldn't see. I couldn't hear. I couldn't control myself. I was scared, and guilty, and in immense pain.

"I killed him. I killed him. I killed him." I repeated, choking out the words, and crying. My hands were shaking I didn't know what to do with them where to put them I couldn't think couldn't breathe everything was coming down on me.

"No, Amelia, you didn't—"

"Don't blame yourself for this—"

"It wasn't your fault—"

I heard them all say, but I didn't care who said what. They didn't understand I killed Harry Styles, they couldn't comprehend that and in my current state their misunderstandings drove me mad.

"I WAS DRIVING THE CAR I WAS DRIVING I KILLED HIM!" I yelled, feeling new fresh tears coming down my cheeks. The pain I felt was immense, nothing could ever compare. I clutched my chest, my face contorting in pain and sobbing out each and every word, trying to make them understand. If I screamed it they might hear me. "I WAS DRIVING I WAS DRIVING THE CAR I—I WAS DRIVING!" I yelled again. I couldn't catch my breath. I didn't have enough oxygen, enough anything.

I felt arms around me, pulling me closer to a body that I didn't bother to recognize but I knew I didn't want contact. I wanted to be dead. I didn't want anything with anyone or with life. It was over.

"Shhh, shh." Niall's voice whispered, as he held me and stroked my hair in an effort to calm me. I couldn't fight back anymore. I was weak, and everything was going dark.


	14. Chapter 13

_Amelia _Chapter Thirteen

**Day: 33 Week: 04**

If I had been alone before, that was nothing. I have never felt so completely alone in my entire life. I spent the whole day sobbing, crying, tearing up, and constantly being reminded about Harry. The guilt I felt took up permanent residence inside my heart and my mind, increasing the pain I felt. I wished it were a couple days ago, where I was under the illusion he was alive, despite everyone's behavior at the mention of him.

I didn't go to school. I didn't get out of bed. I didn't eat. My mother called, and so did my father. Niall, Liam, Zayn and Rory called, and then later came to check on me, but I didn't talk to them, or look at them. I didn't want anything to do with them. I wasn't mad at them. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. I didn't care about anything. About anyone. Not even myself. I refused to eat or sleep, because every time I slept I had dreams of the car accident.

**Day: 34 Week: 04**

Liam would come in sometimes and try and talk to me, but I didn't listen. I didn't even hear him.

**Day: 35 Week: 05**

Everyone was worrying about me. I hadn't eaten in days.

**Day: 36 Week: 05**

I missed Harry. I missed things the way they used to be. I needed to be with him. I moved for the first time in days. My joints hurt. I tried to get out of bed, with immense pain but I managed. I walked, practically crawled to the bathroom, and grabbed some sleeping pills. A lot of sleeping pills.

There was a knock on my door. And another. And another. They grew louder, and more frequent. They came with screams, and yells: my name. It took me a while to realize the knocking was on my bathroom door, which I had locked.

Someone knocked the door down. Then the pills. He shook me.

"Amelia. Amelia what were you doing. Don't do this!"

It was Niall. At that point I started crying, and he let me cry on him. And then everything went black.

**Day: 37 Week: 05**

I woke up to a hospital room, with three people in my room: Niall, Rory, and my mother. There were tubes connecting me in seemingly everywhere, and the first thing I felt when I regained consciousness was the pain in my chest. It was a constant reminder of prior events.

"Mom?" I said, surprised she was there, and glad to see her. I vaguely thought that if she was here it wasn't good.

"Oh, Amelia, sweetie. How are you doing?" She asked, coming up to me and stroking my face with a look of relief and care.

"Why are you here?" I asked, choosing to ignore her question. It was obvious I wasn't okay, I wasn't going to bother with answering such obvious things.

"Zayn told me. I've been keeping in touch with him since the accident, and he called me a couple days ago and told me it was urgent. I grabbed whatever I could and hopped on a plane." She explained, that motherly look in her eyes.

"Zayn?" I said, confused as to why they would keep in contact, and not me.

"Well he called me the day of the crash, and I told him to keep me posted on your recovery. I was about to come here there myself, but he told me everything was fine and that you'd be okay. Right after you had gotten out of the hospital he called me and told me not to talk to you about what had happened—that you had seemed to have forgotten everything." My mother explained to me. Everything she was saying slowly sunk in my head and made sense.

"Amelia, as soon as you woke up you asked for Harry, and the nurses told you what had uh, happened," Niall cut in, filling in what my mom could not. I looked at him, his blue eyes tired and with bags. He must have been here a while. I wondered how long. "And you had a fit and a panic attack and lost consciousness. The next thing we know, you woke up and couldn't even remember the accident. Your brain completely blocked it out. And you kept asking about Harry again once we left the hospital, and knowing what it would do to you if we told you… We just couldn't say it. So we tried to keep you at bay until we had the courage to say it. We thought maybe if enough time passed you would remember. But you didn't. And you grew anxious. So Liam contracted Rory, who you know is a psychologist, to help us tell you, and tell us what was going on." I looked at Rory, who smiled weakly from his spot against the hospital wall. I focused on Niall once more, trying to digest everything he said. "Even before he met you he told us to go along with you a while, and we had to call everyone and make sure they were aware of your situation, and not to bring up his death at all."

I recalled the time when Zayn had received the phone call, mentioning that he couldn't bring himself to tell me.

"Was that what Zayn's call was about, that one time?" I asked, my voice shaking and cracking.

"He was on the phone with me." My mom replied, looking guilty for hiding this from me.

I stayed silent a moment, putting everything together. That's why everyone sounded awkward and dejected whenever I mentioned Harry. Because there was no Harry.

Niall then asked me if I was up for more company, because Zayn, Liam, and Ellen were outside waiting. I didn't reply, I just sort of shrug my shoulders, or tried to, but Niall received the message because all three of them left the room, my mom planting a kiss on my cheek before she left.

A few seconds later, Liam, Zayn and Ellen walked in. I looked at them sadly, almost ashamed to be where I was.

"I brought you something." Ellen said, coming up to my bed, holding something in her fist. "The nurses took it off of you because they were afraid you might use it to hurt yourself, but I convinced them to give it back."

Ellen opened her hand, revealing a lump of silver with a pattern of diamonds on top. I realized it was my heart shaped necklace. My eyes filled up with tears, remembering that very day when Harry bought it for me. It was the day we confessed our feelings for each other. With a trembling hand, I took it, grabbing hold of the cold metal and holding it in my hands.

"Thank you." I said, looking up to my best friend's eyes. It was all I could say at that point. It was a small gesture, but huge in meaning. It felt like I was holding a piece of Harry. It was proof that those two and a half years with him had truly happened, and it wasn't just a long happy dream.

I heard the door open, and someone poked their head inside.

"Can I have a minute alone with her?" Louis Tomlinson said. I never realized how much I missed the sound of his voice until he spoke.

"Sure." Liam said, turning toward me and planting a kiss on my forehead.

Zayn did the same, and all three of them left, leaving Louis and I alone. I wondered what he had to say to me, that couldn't be said with the rest of them there, but I kept my attention on him and my ears open, despite the nervous feeling I began to have.

Louis sat on the edge of my bed, on the space that was available. I felt the bed dip where he sat, and felt the warmth radiate off his body. He looked me straight in the eye, and that's when I noticed the eternal and permanent sadness etched across his features. He didn't look like the same Louis I knew.

"First of all, I'm sorry for not being there for you, through all of this." He said with his Doncaster accent. "I've uh. I've been really selfish. We've grown to be almost siblings, you and I. I know I would look out for you, and you'd look out for me, but I haven't been doing that lately, and I'm so sorry. The loss… it impacted me. I mean, it impacted everyone. But it hit me really hard. I've known him my whole life. Since I was four, and he was barely able to walk. But it hit you hard too, and instead of realizing that and trying to get through it together I distanced myself from everyone and tried to cope with it myself. The other boys, they knew what I was going through, so they left me alone. And they had their own ways of dealing too. But they were able to put their grief aside and help you. And I couldn't do that. The other day Liam called me, and told me what was going on with you, and told me to come and be there for you. I almost didn't come. I didn't know if I could face hearing about him, and what happened again. But Liam called me out on it, and so I came. And when you realized… and you broke down… It was so similar to what I had done that I couldn't stand it and I walked out on you. And I feel so sorry. I feel so sorry for letting you down, Amelia. You needed me. I needed you, we could have gotten over it so much quicker. But I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm ready to be here for you. I'm gonna be your big brother, and I'm going to look after you."

Louis spoke with such pain, and such intensity. As I processed everything he was saying I realized he wasn't the coward he was making himself out to be. He was brave, for having the strength to be here right now. My hand found his and I gave his a squeeze, as my way of telling him it was okay, that I forgave him, that it wasn't his fault. Through all my grief and pain that I had been through the last couple days, I never once stopped to think that the other boys were going through it too, each in their own way.

"He was a good kid. And I know he wouldn't want you to be here, grieving. He would want you to be outside, feeling the air and living. We were all such a mess afterwards." Louis continued, speaking less to me and more to himself. "Zayn began smoking just to keep himself normal. He stopped painting. Liam didn't talk to anyone for a few days, and I heard from Niall he put a couple holes in his walls and broke some furniture because he was in such pain. And Niall just cried. He would talk and suddenly something would remind him of everything and he would tear up and cry. And I shut everyone out. You decided to forget everything…" Louis said the last bit with a light, joking tone, which made me chuckle a bit. He was the first one to do that. I hadn't so much as chuckled in days.

"Remember when we switched the toothpaste in his apartment to that baby bum cream?" Louis said to me, nostalgically. I noticed he hadn't mentioned Harry's name yet. Perhaps it was too painful for him. "He was so angry, I remember he didn't understand why the toothpaste tasted different." He smirked, and I gave a small smile. "Remember when you were severely sick once he read you books to entertain you? And he brought you soup? I know because he told me."

I remembered that clearly. I had caught viral meningitis and stayed home taking antibiotics. Harry was the only one who would come near me.

"I remember when I straightened his hair, and he woke up and cried." Louis continued. "When he would sing so loudly in the shower we all had to cover our ears."

Louis continued this way for several more minutes, until he had nothing more to say, and left the room. I was glad to see him, but now that he was gone it was like he took all the happiness with him, and I was alone once more with only the constant and rhythmic beep of some hospital machine keeping me company. It was like a metronome, I thought, counting down the heart beats until one day my heart stops. The pain in my chest slowly made its return, and gradually I spiraled downward into sadness again, with no one to keep me up.

I missed Harry. Since I found out about his death, not even the hallucination would come and find me, and convince me everything was okay. I didn't have him anymore. I could only dream.

Without thinking, my hands automatically grabbed the tubes that led into my skin and I pulled, taking them out. I pulled out one, and as soon as I did that I felt a gradual but noticeable change in blood pressure and breathing. It was as if that tube kept me functioning somehow. A loud beeping noise was heard and I knew nurses were coming. I prayed death would get there before them. But it didn't.

I screamed when they came in, frustrated, and in pain. I wanted to be with Harry, why were they stopping me? One of the nurses injected something in my arm, and all was dark.

**Day: 38 Week: 05**

Niall came to my hospital room to announce to me that he had signed me up for therapy. He said I had much to live for and he didn't want to lose me too. He said none of them could deal with another loss. He said it was because he cared, because he wanted me to be truly happy, and recover from this in a healthy way.

I'd have to learn to live without Harry Styles, every minute of every day.

I didn't agree, but I had no choice.


	15. Epilogue

_Amelia _Epilogue

When I finished my story, finished telling the therapist why I was here, I feel a certain relief. I had done it. I had taken the first step. I think of Niall, and suddenly tell him thank you.

The therapist looks at me with understanding, sorrow, and a bit of pride. I am glad she does not pity me.

"Thank you for sharing that with me, Miss Schaller." She says.

I only smile.

"Well, your term for studying abroad is up in three months. We can get you a grief counselor for that time, and then send you back to America, with your family. Does that sound okay?"

"No, I want to stay here." I immediately say. I will stay here. Because this is where Harry was, this is where I can still feel him with me sometimes.

The therapist smiles at me with sadness and understanding. It seems like those are the only emotions she has for me right now.

"Do you have anyone to stay with while you are here?" She says.

"Niall Horan." I immediately say.

She checks her watch. Her time is up. She tells me she will call Niall and get in touch with him, perhaps make arrangements if he accepts. The next step would be to assign me a grief counselor and visit them once a week. She says she is proud of me. She says I am on the road to recovery.

Three weeks later I pack what little stuff I have and go with Niall to his house. He is glad I'm getting better. He says I'll be back on my feet in no time. I hope so too.

I get into the passenger seat of the car, remembering the accident and everything that came with it, including that one boy, who made my life better, and worse. But I was stronger now. I could deal with it now. And as Niall started his car and drove, I grab my heart-shaped necklace and look out the window, watching the world pass me by. The world I had once thought ended, was actually just beginning.

_The End._

* * *

Author's Note: Well, that's it! I hope you enjoyed it! Please don't forget to leave me your thoughts, and review please! Thanks to everyone who read from start to finish!


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